


Unexpected

by Mylifeisactuallyamess



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Kylo Angst, Kylo and Y/N, Kylo and You, Kylo and reader, Star Wars fanfic, kylo ren smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:13:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 30,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25529470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mylifeisactuallyamess/pseuds/Mylifeisactuallyamess
Summary: Reader is an Officer in the First Order, she gets pulled to be interrogated by Kylo Ren about a spy. Only he doesn’t interrogate her and instead manages to awaken a force bond with her.This actually was meant to be a one shot, a bit of smut and I ended up rewriting the end of the sequels....oops
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end as you heard his heavy footsteps come onto the bridge. There were rumours circulating about a spy, possibly an officer and you were all being interrogated. You just knew it was your turn. The Supreme Leader wasn’t gentle according to the other officers as he went through their memories. Some were still in the med bay. You straightened your back to stand tall, hands behind you as the footsteps stopped.  
‘Officer Y/N’ the voice coming from the mask almost made you shiver. You spun on your heel.  
‘Yes Supreme Leader?’  
‘Come.’ He turned abruptly and all you could do was follow. General Hux sneered as you walked past him, you two never got on, part of you wished he was the spy just so Kylo Ren would kill him. You held your head high as you followed him, you were almost running to keep up with his long strides but at the same time you admired just how tall he was. He commanded respect. You came to a door and it opened with a whoosh. You followed the supreme leader inside and it closed after you. The lights came on slowly and your eyes adjusted. You saw a table and two chairs in front of you.  
‘Do you know why you are here?’ You looked straight at his mask, you did not fear him, you had witnessed many a tantrum from Kylo Ren over the years, you’d even seen him murder other officers before your very eyes but for some reason you got the feeling you were never in danger from him.  
‘There is a spy onboard. Possibly an officer. I am ready for my interrogation Supreme Leader’ you lifted your head up ready for an assault from the force. But nothing happened. Slowly he raised his hands to his mask. It hissed as he released the catches and took it off. You swallowed. This was unexpected.  
‘I don’t need to go through your mind Y/N.’ He said softly, ‘your loyalty to the first order, to me. Is unwavering.’ You felt pride swell in your chest. You worked hard for your rank and it was paying off. He stood in front of you and you couldn’t help but look up at him. His eyes seemed to study your face and you began to wonder why you were actually here if he believed you to be innocent? Slowly he reached for your cap and pulled it off, it released your hair and soft waves fell around your face and down your shoulders. You swallowed again and your palms began to sweat. You’d never been in this situation before especially with the supreme leader you didn’t know what to do. He put your hat on the table with his helmet. He removed his cloak and unclipped his lightsaber.  
‘What do you need me to do Supreme Leader?’ His back tensed and he turned to face you, his dark hair was in his eyes and all you wanted to do was run your hands through it. You lowered you eyes at the thought and prayed he wasn’t reading your mind right now! His gloved hand lifted your chin, he was close, so close. His smell was intoxicating and your nostrils flared breathing it in. Suddenly his lips were on yours, at first you didn’t know what to do, the Supreme Leader was kissing you! The kiss became deeper and you realised how hot his mouth was, you finally unclasped your hands and raised them to his hair entangling them in the dark mass. He picked you up and instinctively you wrapped your legs around him, one of his hands had found your skin under your jacket and you moaned into his mouth. You could feel him carrying you and then all of a sudden you were falling onto a bed. You must be in his private quarters, you didn’t even realise. His weight was pinning one of your arms down and one of his large hands was entangled in your hair, you could feel his hard on through both your clothes. Without thinking you reached down to stroke him through his trousers, you heard him gasp and you locked eyes. His brown eyes were dark with need as he smashed into you for a more urgent kiss. You undid his trousers and slid your hand inside. He sat up abruptly and ripped your jacket off, it hurt and you were pretty sure he ripped it but you did not care. His fingers dug into your skin and it felt so good. A comm link went off. He growled but carried on kissing you hoping they would go away. It went off again and he roared in frustration. He stomped over to the door ‘What?!’ He yelled as he pushed the button, you couldn’t hear what was being said, your mind was reeling as you sat up trying to come to terms with what was happening. ‘Can’t Hux deal with it?!’ The answer was clearly no as he yelled again and punched the panel. Sparks flew and the metal was dented. He turned to you face full of rage as he did up his trousers. He put his cloak on and picked up his gloves. ‘I need to deal with this.’  
‘Shall I go back to my post Supreme Leader?’  
‘No.’ He grabbed his helmet and looked at you, his eyes holding you in place. ‘I am not done with you yet.’ And with that he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo returns to finish what he started with the reader

You stood there hugging yourself. Suddenly you realised how quiet and cold it was. You were just in your bra and trousers wondering what hell had happened. You gave yourself a mental shake as you looked about your surroundings. The quarters were nice and bigger than yours but there wasn’t much in here. You supposed as the Supreme Leader he didn’t spend much time here except to sleep. You spied a wardrobe and rolled your eyes when you saw everything was black, of course it was. You grabbed a long sleeved top and headed to the refresher. He said you couldn’t leave so you might as well sort yourself out. The water was warm on your skin and you felt yourself relaxing. You were still wondering why he chose you, there were plenty of female and male officers who would love to find themselves in this very situation, but you had never really given it much thought. You hadn’t had time. You got out and dried yourself off, you put your pants back on and Kylo’s black top. When you stepped back into his quarters you let out a squeal as a droid was standing right there.  
‘Sorry to startle you Officer Y/N, but the Supreme Leader has sent me to get your order for dinner.’ You rattled off a list of things you would have had for dinner anyway and without another word the droid left. So you were having dinner together, you felt a shiver of excitement. The food came and you decided to wait. And you waited, and waited. You must have dozed off because the whoosh of the door opening startled you. Kylo Ren charged into his quarters his lightsaber ignited and filled the space with an angry buzzing. Before you could open your mouth he roared in pure anger and slashed anything he could reach. Instinct told you to stand tall, you didn’t look at him and clasped your hands behind your back. You felt sweat bead on your skin and you swore you could feel the heat of his anger in the air around you. Suddenly he stopped and the silence that followed was deafening. You swallowed nervously and his head snapped towards you. Within two strides he was before you, he grabbed you roughly and kissed you hard, you were just as eager in your kiss back to him and you felt him moan against your lips. He pulled at your clothes as you tugged at his tunic. He pushed you back onto the bed and pulled his tunic off, his muscles rippled as he undid his trousers and you bit your lip in anticipation. He grabbed your ankle and dragged you to the edge of the bed, he laid his entire length on you and it was a weight you welcomed, your hands explored his back as he pushed your top up and kissed you, his hot mouth all over you, your face, your neck, your breasts. He wasn’t being gentle and you didn’t care. You entangled your hands in his hair as he sucked hard and nipped at your nipple. You arched your back wanting more. He sat up on his knees looking at you, his dark eyes drinking you all in. ‘Strip.’ The command alone made you moan slightly. You whipped the top off and slid out of your knickers. He yanked his trousers off and your eyes went down to his erection as it sprung free. You went to grab it but he stopped you. He grabbed you roughly round the waist and flipped you onto your front, before you could even register what was happening he was inside you. You gasped loudly and grabbed at anything you could reach. He grunted as he pushed himself all the way inside you. ‘Fuck’ you heard him moan. He rested his hands either side of your head and he began to thrust, it was uncomfortable at first but it soon turned to pleasure. You moaned loudly not caring if you were heard by anyone, the tension began to build and you shoved yourself back against him begging for release. You could hear his ragged breathing as he buried his face in your hair. It felt like sparks were flying all over your skin as you closed your eyes tight. ‘I’m going to c...cum’ you panted. He heard you and thrust into you harder, you shouted out with every pound. You felt the waves of pleasure cascade over you and you lost your head in ecstasy. You felt him falter in his thrusts as he finished inside you and collapsed next you. Both of you panting. You turned your head to look at him, you knew you couldn’t stand because you couldn’t feel your legs. His eyes looked at you, sweat plastered his hair to his forehead and you marvelled at how handsome he really was. He sat up slowly and looked at the destruction he had caused with his lightsaber. The table had been cleaved in two, the chairs were in pieces all over the floor and there was food everywhere. ‘I seem to have ruined our dinner plans.’ He said it so matter of factly that before you could stop yourself you laughed, he looked at you in surprise before a ghost of a smile tugged at his mouth. ‘We could try and salvage some.’ You said still smiling. You groaned as you sat up and you knew you were going to hurt in the morning. His arms enveloped you as he pulled you up. Now the urgency and need was gone you expected to be dressed and thrown out but here the Supreme Leader was, naked and helping you stand looking at you with soft brown eyes. ‘Are you ok? Can you stand?’ He asked in his soft deep voice. You nodded and wrapped your arms round yourself, it was cold. He noticed and grabbed the top you stole out of his wardrobe, without a word he slid it gently over your head. You couldn’t help but stare, how was this the same man that stormed in before? His face was softer his eyes showed concern for you and you wondered if anyone had ever seen this side of him before. He brushed the hair out of your face and he rested a hand on your cheek. He kissed you gently. ‘Get comfortable I will get some food.’ He grabbed some clothes and shoved them on before leaving. You settled on the bed, the ache beginning in your bones already. It had been such a long time since you had sex with anyone let alone that roughly. The door whooshed open and he returned his large hands full of packaged food. He dropped it all on the bed. ‘I just grabbed stuff. I didn’t know what you liked.’ He ran his hand through his hair and you hummed in appreciation. ‘Thank you, I eat pretty much anything.’ He stood awkwardly at the end of the bed. ‘Do you want me to leave? I’m sure I could make it back to my quarters without anyone seeing me.’ You went to get up but he held a hand out ‘No, stay. Please.’ He said the last word quietly and your heart thrummed. You were pretty sure he hadn’t said that word very often. You nodded and sat back on the bed. He stood there, almost a shadow of his commanding self that you had seen only this morning. His broad shoulders sagged and all you wanted to do was hug him. He suddenly looked exhausted. Without thinking you reached for him and tugged him to the bed. ‘Lay here. I’ve got you.’ You said softly. He nodded and closed his eyes as he lay his head in your lap. You didn’t know how or why, but you just knew this was what he needed.


	3. Chapter 3

You raised your hands above your head in a hard stretch. You noticed something heavy was across your tummy and you went to move it. You opened your eyes and froze as it all came flooding back to you. The pale, heavy arm of the Supreme Leader was laying across your naked stomach. What do you do? Do you wake him? Is he used to being woken up? Will he kill you if you startle him? Your mind was going at 100 miles an hour as you figured out what to do. His breathing was heavy and even. He was very asleep. You wiggled to the edge of the bed and paused, no change in his breathing so you wiggled some more and slowly slid to the ground. He didn’t move a muscle. You wanted to spare him the embarrassment of last night, yes it was good, hell it was so much more than good! If felt right and you wanted more but he was the Supreme Leader, he had no time for romance. You looked at him for a second before tearing yourself away, a fresh uniform was waiting for you and you could see the mess from Kylo’s last rage fuelled tantrum had been cleaned up. Droids were amazing machines. You silently got dressed and left his quarters. On your way out you marvelled that the panel had been fixed as well and you hadn’t heard a thing. The ship was empty with most people still sleeping. You stood on the bridge, no one questioned your presence as many officers came here when they couldn’t sleep. Staring into infinite space gave you time to think and reflect.   
‘Officer Y/N.’ A voice sneered behind you.   
‘General Hux.’  
‘I am pleased to see you have recovered quickly from the Supreme Leaders interrogation.’ You shot him a look, wondering if he knew what had actually happened between you.   
‘I have nothing to hide. My loyalty to the First Order and the Supreme Leader is unwavering’ you replied. He snorted softly. Before storming off to annoy someone else. You closed your eyes briefly and rubbed a temple. A headache was blossoming and you could tell it would be a big one. You went off to your desk to complete your paperwork then you could sleep this off. 

The reading of the last mission was tedious and boring and nothing came of it anyway but you had to keep up to date with the intelligence. Words began to swim in front of your eyes and Kylo’s title jumped out at you. With a sigh you put it down and closed your eyes. The door whooshed open quietly.  
‘I am busy, leave me alone.’ You commanded.   
‘Officer Y/N’ his automated voice washed over you and you jumped up in surprise.  
‘Forgive me Supreme Leader!’ You gasped. In all your years as an officer you had never slipped up before. He had killed people for so much less. Damn he had killed people for actually doing their jobs. ‘I thought you were another officer, or General Hux’ as soon as the words left your mouth you died a little inside. He just stood there. You couldn’t read him with the mask on you had no idea if these were your last moments. His gloves hands reached up and undid the clasps to his mask. He slowly took it off and you couldn’t help but note his unruly black hair and tired eyes.   
‘Someone needs to put Hux in his place.’ You relaxed slightly. ‘I wondered where you were this morning.’   
‘I had reports to catch up on’ you said softly. You shifted uncomfortably under his intense gaze. Your headache pounded and you couldn’t help but flinch. His gloved hand automatically reached out to you.  
‘You’re in pain. You should go to the medbay.’  
‘I’ll be ok, I just need a decent sleep’ his jaw tensed and his posture stiffened. His hand fell limply to his side and you wished you knew how he was feeling. Without a word he spun and left in the blink of an eye. You let out a breath you had been holding in and steaded yourself against the desk. Your heart ached, all you wanted was him to embrace you, to make you feel better and to look after you. But he was the Supreme Leader and your daydreams had to stop. You closed the file with a snap and stuck it under your arm. You’d finish this back at your quarters. One corridor you had to go down was eerily empty, usually this place was crawling with officers and troopers as most of the meeting rooms were down here. You felt the need to stop and listen at one of the doors. You couldn’t hear anything so you moved the next one. Again nothing, where was everyone? Suddenly you caught the smell of burning. You opened the door to the meeting room and was faced with a scene of utter destruction. Everything had been destroyed, there were even lightsaber marks along the walls. You sucked your breath in as you took in your surroundings. Kylo stood there breathing heavily, his hair in his eyes, his chest heaving. His lightsaber was still lit and crackled and buzzed intensely. The door whooshed shut behind you and you jumped at the sound.   
‘What happened?’ You asked. Kylo’s lightsaber switched off as he clipped it to his belt. He pulled his gloves off, his movements jerky with anger.   
‘Just you.’ He snapped as he turned away from you. You put your file down carefully and slowly made your way towards him. You reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. He tensed but he turned to look at you anyway. He was like a caged animal that didn’t know how to react, his eyes were weary.   
‘Last night, was it a mistake for you?’ You didn’t want to hear his answer but you had to know if these mood swings were because you slept together. Did he regret it? Because as much as you didn’t want to, you could forget it, for the sake of your job. ‘I could transfer somewhere else, so you’d never have to see me again.’  
‘No.’ You raised your eyes to meet his. He was close, so close. ‘I don’t want you to go.’ He turned away from you, like he’d said too much, before you could stop yourself your hand reached out and turned his face back to you.   
‘I don’t want to go.’ His eyes widened slightly, you pulled him closer and gently pressed your lips against his. He didn’t move for a moment almost like he couldn’t believe you were here doing this, then suddenly he was kissing you back his hands in your hair. You slid your hands down his sides marvelling at how powerful he felt. He brought his hands up to cup your face and as they touched your skin the pain in your head intensified. Your head snapped back and your eyes rolled as you convulsed. Images of people you’d never met, places you’d never been seemed to flood your mind, you gasped for air but it was like you couldn’t get any. Then it all faded to blackness.


	4. Chapter 4

Kylo looked at you he couldn’t believe you were here even after he’d just destroyed this meeting room, most officers would have run away making their excuses, but you were different. You were always different. You ignored his rage, almost like you saw through it and he admired you for that.   
‘I don’t want you to go.’ He clamped his mouth shut as he turned away. Where were these feelings coming from he couldn’t believe he’d just said that?! What was wrong with him? He felt your hand on his face bringing his attention back to you. Your eyes were bright and he sensed your nervousness but you were still here in front of him. ‘I don’t want to go’ you said and leaned to him for a kiss. Kylo could see each individual lash on your beautiful eyes as your lips connected. He loved the way how you felt against him, he needed to feel you. He tangled his hands in your hair and he felt much calmer with you here. He brought his hands up to cup your face so he could deepen the kiss and show you how much he wanted and needed you. Suddenly you gasped and your head snapped back as you started convulsing.  
‘Shit, shit,’ kylo gripped you tightly so you wouldn’t fall. ‘Shit, Y/N??’ Panic blossomed in his chest, what the fuck had he done! The force vibrated around you both almost making a deep humming sound, he could feel your pain. Without another thought he picked you up and headed straight for the medbay. 

‘He brought her in, in his arms, did you see his face?’  
‘I haven’t actually seen his face before he didn’t realise he was so handsome!’  
‘I’ve seen it before, when he got that scar from that Jedi. But he looked worried, about an officer.’  
‘What do you think he did to her to make her like that?’ A third voice chimed in. ‘Do you think it’s an interrogation gone wrong?’  
‘No, he never brings them in personally does he. He was carrying her in his arms! I’ve never seen him touch another person.’  
‘Maybe he’s fucking her.’   
‘An officer?’  
‘He could have anyone he wanted whenever he wanted.’ A chorus of voices all sounded in agreement. You kept your eyes shut but the voices faded away like water running through your hands. Your eyes snapped open and you realised you were alone in a white room. The only noise being the soft beep of the machine attached to you. This was the medbay although you’d never had to visit here before so you weren’t entirely sure. You sat up sharply as the door opened. A nurse stood there, ‘Oh good you’re awake’ she exclaimed. You frowned.   
‘I heard you talking. About me.’   
‘You?’ She squeaked. ‘I’ll just get the doctor.’ And she shut the door again. How could you have heard anything you couldn’t even hear if someone walked past the door. What the hell had happened? The last thing you remember was Kylo putting his hands on your face. Did he do this to you? You hoped not but what other explanation was there?  
‘I did not do this to you.’ Your eyes widened and you could feel Kylo but he wasn’t here. You even looked under the bed. Am so imagining this?  
‘No, but you are projecting your thoughts very clearly.’ My thoughts?   
‘Where are you?’ You said out loud. Then the door opened and in walked a doctor. She had your notes in her hands and she shut the door behind her.  
‘Well aren’t you a puzzling case Officer Y/N.’  
‘Answer her questions I’ll be there shortly.’ His voice rung in your mind and you couldn’t help but shoot another look round the room. The doctor peered at you over her glasses.   
‘Why am I here?’ You asked.  
‘Don’t you remember?’  
‘I remember.......falling.’ You felt the heat rise to your face you didn’t want to tell this doctor what you had been doing with the Supreme Leader. It was damaging for your reputation and more importantly his.   
‘I don’t want to dance around this all day, Kylo told me what happened.’ Your eyes widened.  
‘I am his doctor after all also the only one he trusts. Now, he said he put his hands on your face correct?’ You nodded. ‘Then what happened?’  
‘I felt pain, I’ve had a headache since I got up,’ you shifted uncomfortably. ‘Since I left the Supreme Leaders quarters this morning’ you blurted out ‘I then went to do some paperwork I couldn’t concentrate, he came to visit me and the pain got worse after he left and then, and then, it happened. The pain shot through me I don’t remember much else.’ You finished.   
‘Hmmmm, it would seem Kylo has awoken your connection to the force.’ You blinked.   
‘My what?’ Your mind went numb and you couldn’t concentrate on what she was saying. A presence was bearing down on you, weighing on your mind, a cascade of emotions erupted around you, anger, worry, frustration. You gasped. ‘He’s here.’ The door opened there stood Kylo Ren. The door slammed shut behind him and he ripped his mask off and dropped it to the floor before coming to envelope you in a huge hug on the bed. The emotions you felt seemed to calm and you rested your head on his shoulder. ‘What happened to me?’ Kylo looked up at the doctor who’s name you hadn’t even asked for you realised. She was watching you both with the hint of a smile on her face. Kylo sat next to you, his shoulder touching yours and it was a comfort you welcomed.   
‘As I was saying to Y/N before you interrupted with your force presence,’ she looked at you and you blushed as Kylo glanced at you as well. ‘It seems you have awoken a dormant force bond within our young Officer here.’   
‘But I have never felt another force user on board’ he rumbled.   
‘And you wouldn’t have, because she wasn’t using it. Most force users come from force user families and the way to recognise and use the force is passed down from an early age as you should know.’ She said to Kylo. You’d never heard anything about Kylo’s past, no one dare discuss it on the bridge and you never really socialised with anyone outside of your post. There were rumours flying about he killed his own father, but you didn’t know who that was and really, it didn’t concern you. You looked at him as he stared intently at the doctor. His jaw clenching as he clearly didn’t want to discuss his past anymore. ‘Y/N’. You focussed back on the doctor. ‘Do you know where you’re from?’ We don’t have much back story in your records.’ You shrugged.   
‘I was adopted by a nice family and they sent me off to be trained for the First Order. Here I am. They sent me off at a pretty young age and I’ve been here ever since.’  
‘Explains, a lot.’ She sighed.  
‘What do we do now?’ Kylo asked.   
‘That, Supreme Leader is up to you. But I would suggest you give her some training. She will be widely out of control otherwise.’ Kylo rubbed his hands over his face. ‘For now though I suggest you both rest. Separately.’ She raised an eye brow, pointedly staring at you both before marching out of the room and shutting the door behind her. You went to lean your head on Kylo’s shoulder but he got up in one fluid movement. You could feel him withdrawing from you completely. He stood tall not making eye contact with you. You did the only thing you could do and go into Officer mode.   
‘I will send you your new schedule over to your holopad. I hope you recover swiftly Officer Y/N’ his speech was clipped and forced, you tried to sense how he was feeling but you got nothing in return.   
‘Yes Supreme Leader.’ He put his helmet back on and left the room. You looked at the blank bit of wall where he had been standing, and felt an emptiness you’d never felt before.   
‘Shit.’


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a few days since you’d left the medbay, you’d been given sick leave for 7 days and you hadn’t left your room. You kept feeling tremors though the force, you could sense Kylo and his rage and then it would vanish, like he was blocking you out. You had tried to reach out to him but always found nothing. You began to resent what had happened. You didn’t ask for this! You were happy in your job, you position, your faith in the first order and the Supreme Leader. Now you were a mess, over a man. A man who even though he said he wanted you, now didn’t want you. You sat in your quarters getting angrier and angrier. You closed your eyes and you realised why Kylo lashed out so much. You began to pace feeling like a caged animal.  
‘I can’t take this anymore!’ You screamed out loud. The force flexed around you, your cupboard door buckled inwards and you heard your plates, bowls and glasses shatter. Your hands flew to your mouth. Your anger gone. You stretched a shaky hand out to the cupboard, the door fell off it hinges followed by shards of glass. Then you realised water was bubbling out of your taps, you must have cracked a pipe. You used your holopad to call a droid to clean up and fix the mess. You didn’t want anyone human. You didn’t want it getting out. Gossip spread round this ship like wild fire. You stood in a corner while the droids worked and wished with all your heart you weren’t alone anymore. You looked at your officers uniform. You were on sick leave but you were still allowed on the bridge, right? Without a second thought you jumped into the refresher dried your hair and yourself off and got dressed. You looked as smart as always no one would suspect a thing. You groaned a little imagining the paper pile on your desk. You left your quarters and marched to the bridge. You felt alive for the first time in days. But you could hear things, whispers they seemed to be at the edge of your consciousness all the time. Yet silence battered you as the door the bridge opened. You didn’t falter in your steps until Hux stepped out in front of you.   
‘Officer Y/N.’ He looked you up and down. ‘What are you doing here? Aren’t you sick?’   
‘Feeling much better today General.’ You bounced onto the balls of your feet, hands clasped behind your back. ‘Thought I’d come and get myself up to speed.’ Your hands started to get clammy. You tugged at the collar on your shirt. You felt nervous under Hux’s gaze. ‘I er, best get on.’   
‘Officer Y/N.’ You closed your eyes. You hadn’t felt him at all on the bridge but of course he was here. You slowly turned to face him. Thankfully he had his mask on and you didn’t have to look at his face.   
‘Supreme Leader’ you said stiffly.   
‘You’re meant to be off sick, are you not?’ His automated voice sent a shiver down your spine.   
‘Yes Sir but I was feeling better so I came to catch up on some paperwork.......’ You trailed off and locked eyes with someone sitting in front of a radar. The fear rolling off them was coming in waves and it washed over you making you feel jittery. Suddenly the lights seemed too bright and pain lanced in your mind. Voices were shouting at you but no one was talking. ‘Shut up!’ You gasped as you looked around. You felt the force close around you and hold you in place. All you could move were your eyes. The Generals voice pierced through ‘What the hell is wrong with her Ren?’ He demanded.  
‘She is still sick, take her back to her quarters and call Doctor Arla.’ You desperately wanted Kylo to help you but you had suffered this much alone already, what good could he do now. You felt anger spike and a screen blew up next to you. The officer standing there shrieked in surprise, he glanced at Kylo Ren in fear and then at you, their eyes widening. Shit. Shit shit.  
‘Get her to her quarters now.’ You heard Kylo Ren snarl just before he put you to sleep. 

You had no idea where you were and you woke with a yell. The doctor you saw before was perched on the end of your bed in your quarters.   
‘You do keep life interesting don’t you?’ She smirked.   
‘What the hell happened?’   
‘You decided to take a stroll before Ren said you were ready.’ You snorted and she raised her eyebrows in surprise.   
‘Ready? He hasn’t even been to see me. I can’t even sense him anymore.’ You got up and started pacing. ‘I feel like I’m going insane, I can hear what people are thinking, feeling all the time and I get lost.’ You looked at your hands and clenched your fists. ‘I’m alone.’ You stated.   
‘You are not alone. The Supreme Leader has been busy but I will see to it you now become his top priority. I cannot have an untrained force user wandering around this ship.’ She stood. ‘ I shall recommend your training start tomorrow.’ She rose as she tapped into her holopad. ‘I suggest you get some rest.’ You nodded as she left.   
There was a beeping noise. It kept going and going. You groaned as you realised it was your holopad. You pulled it towards you and peered at it with tired eyes.   
‘Training, with the Supreme Leader don’t be late.’ Training, now. And you were still in bed. ‘Fuck’ you grabbed a long sleeved black top and some leggings. You scraped your hair back and ran out of your quarters to the Supreme Leaders training room. When you arrived you were out of breath and you stumbled in as the door opened.   
‘You’re late.’ You eyed him wearily.  
‘Forgive me Supreme Leader.’ He threw a training stick at you, it hit you and clattered to the floor. It hurt but you didn’t want to show it. You could almost hear him sneer from behind the mask.   
‘Do you know how to fight?’ You picked up the stick and twirled it round. It felt nice in your hands, but it had been a while. He rushed at you and you managed to block his first blow but he was so strong you buckled under the weight and stumbled. He removed his stick and smacked you across the back pushing you forward as he stepped behind you. ‘You need more practice.’ You heard his heavy steps and you ducked as he lunged at you but he still clipped you on the shoulder. You felt a spike of anger as the pain shot down your shoulder. You wanted to stop and talk but he was bearing down on you again, you blocked his blows in quick succession but then he swiped your legs out from under you and you landed flat on your back. You cried out as pain shot up your back. Anger was building inside you. He paced on the other side of the room, rolling his shoulders and twirling his training stick. You wanted to touch those shoulders run your fingers through his hair as he kissed your face. He turned his back to you and you saw your opportunity you lept off the floor your stick high above your head as you went to bring it down on top of him. He twirled, his stick blocking yours, then he pushed his other hand towards you and you felt the force shove you back against the wall. He slowly stepped towards you and you tried to free yourself even though you knew it was useless. ‘You’re so weak’ he said quietly. Your head snapped up to look him straight in the eye holes of his mask. All the anger you’d been holding onto the past few days came to the surface and with a roar you pushed him back. You caught him unawares and he stumbled backwards. You pushed at him with your training stick, new strength seemed to flow through you as he dodged your blows. You felt tears stinging your eyes as you chased his retreat around the room.   
‘You. Left. Me!’ You screamed at him with every blow. You pushed him back against a wall, both breathing heavily. You released him and stepped back. He dropped his stick and walked out leaving you alone. Again. 

Kylo marched to his quarters. People spun on their heels when they saw him storming towards them as they recognised his angry stance. He force opened his door and slammed it shut behind him. He ripped his mask off and threw it will a yell. He felt like he couldn’t breathe and his chest heaved. He roared at his empty quarters, his lightsaber came to life in his hand and he slashed at whatever he could reach. The smell of hot metal burnt his nose as his saber melted whatever it touched. He dropped his weapon to the floor and fell to his knees his hands over his face. His anger drained away as he pictured your angry face, screaming at him, telling him he’d left you. He knew he left you. He didn’t know what to do with you. The whole ship was buzzing with what had happened on the bridge. He wanted to hide you from it because it was you they would gossip about. You they would think about. You weren’t trained enough to block it out yet. He took a deep breath and shed his cloak, gloves and tunic. He grabbed the top you had worn that night and sniffed it. The smell of you was fading but it worked for now. How he wanted you, to tell you it would be alright, to hold you, to feel your skin. But he couldn’t. The force was strong with you and he thought back to that moment in the training room. He had goaded you calling you weak he just wanted to see what you were capable of and he had been surprised. Anger was your fuel. Anger was what you needed, for now anyway.


	6. Chapter 6

You dragged your stick behind you as you slowly made your way back to your quarters. Luckily you didn’t see anyone else you weren’t sure if you could handle that now. Your door whooshed shut behind you. You dropped the training stick and headed straight for a bath. The water was warm and you sunk in washing your hair. Your muscles ached and you felt so drained and tired. Time seemed to have no meaning for you anymore as all that was on your schedule was training. You regret losing your temper earlier but you wish you could have seen his face. You lay down and the water lapped gently at you lulling you into sleep. 

The grass was tall around you and it swayed as you looked up at the blue sky above you.  
Ben! Ben! A voice called and you sat up to see a young woman with incredibly long hair reaching out for you. You jumped up laughing and ran away from her. Come here you little rascal! She grabbed you and squeals of joy erupted from your mouth as she tickled you. Her face was kind and her eyes a rich brown colour. Go and see who’s here she whispered. Excitement shot through you and you ran over to the hut at the edge of the field and burst through the door. Uncle Luke!! You screamed and ran into his arms.....

You jolted awake, the cold water splashed up at you and you cursed. You got out and wrapped a towel around you, pondering over your dream. Everything about it was familiar you felt like you should know who those people were. You collapsed on your bed went back to sleep.   
You woke up before your alarm this time and you were in the training room alone. You twirled the stick and practised some moves alone. If felt good to train again, once you had become an Officer there had been no time for this. The moves came to you much more easily today, yes your muscles protested from the battering you gave them yesterday and the cold bath but it felt good. A door you hadn’t noticed before whooshed open and Kylo emerged. He stopped and looked at you seeming surprised you were there.   
‘You are early’ he exclaimed. His mask wasn’t on, but you could tell his hair was freshly washed. He stood tall his posture tense.  
‘I wanted to make up for last time Supreme Leader’ he nodded.   
‘Let’s begin.’  
The only words spoken through the whole session were Kylo correcting your posture or telling you how to improve your swing. 

And so the sessions carried on for weeks. The force was there at your finger tips you could feel it almost like you could touch it. Kylo had started teaching you how to manage it and block people out of your thoughts. He also taught you how to block others off so you could now stroll about the ship without being bombarded with sounds and images from everyone around you. You meditated daily, you trained daily and your body shape began to change. You felt strong and confident.   
You turned up for a training session but Kylo was already there, the dull ache began in your heart as you looked at his face gorgeous face. Not once had he slipped up in your sessions to even give away how he was feeling. Maybe he didn’t feel for you anymore. That man on your one night stand who looked after you and cared for you was gone. He handed you a black bundle.  
‘Put these on, I’ll meet you outside.’ He left, his cloak flaring behind him as he went back into his quarters. You sighed and striped off. You looked at the new outfit and realised it matched Kylo’s, the black padded tunic, the leather trousers that were so soft and supple. Even the boots but it all fitted you perfectly. You didn’t have a cloak, but a cowel that wrapped around you, it was long and tucked into your belt and flowed around your feet. The hood was deep and you loved how it covered your head and hair completely. You stepped outside of the training room slightly nervous. Kylo was stood there with his mask on. He didn’t even really look at you just turned on his heel and all you could do was follow him.   
Kylo strode into the meeting room and everyone hushed as he marched over to his seat. You silently followed hoping no one saw you but knowing everyone did. Kylo summoned an extra chair for you to sit on next him.   
‘Begin’ his automated voice came through his mask. General Hux stood up and a holo map appeared in the middle of the table. He started talking about a mission something about a map. You zoned out. You couldn’t remember the last time you left the ship. Felt fresh air on you face or the wind in your hair. You couldn’t even remember the planet you came from you were so young when you were offered to the First Order.   
‘I will go with a division of storm troopers and my apprentice’ your attention snapped back to the table as Kylo started to speak. His apprentice? You were going on a mission! You could have heard a pin drop as every officers eye were drawn to you. They couldn’t see your face properly but they had their suspicions as to who you were, especially with what happened on the bridge all those weeks ago.   
‘Very well’ snapped Hux. Kylo rose and you jumped up with him. All the officers stood and waited as you both left the room before filing out after you. You walked beside Kylo brimming with excitement. You wanted to ask questions but you knew better. You followed Kylo to the training room, once you were inside you lowered your hood. He carried on walking through the other door to his quarters leaving you alone. Were you done for the day? Something told you to wait so you did. The door reopened and Kylo emerged with a small box in his hand. You could feel the power radiating out of it as you inspected it with the force. He opened the box and a crystal glowed at you  
‘Wow.’ You breathed, it was beautiful, you wanted to touch it.   
‘Here are all the components to build your own lightsaber. This is the last piece.’ He placed the box on the table. ‘Let the force guide you.’  
‘A lightsaber?!’ You stared up at him. Was this real? He was trusting you to do this. He looked down at you with his brown eyes, memories of the night you spent together come flooding back you, you wanted that so desperately you wanted him. Your body ached to be grabbed by his huge hands, you subconsciously bit your lip just thinking about it. Suddenly Kylo moved away from you.   
‘Once you have made this you will be known as Commander Y/N.’ He disappeared into his quarters and you groaned out loud. That man was so infuriating. You sat your self on the floor and began to meditate. You fell into meditation easily. You inspected the pieces on the table, you had no idea what went where? You closed your eyes again and used the force to guide you like Kylo said. You don’t know how long you sat there for putting pieces together but it felt right. The last thing was the crystal. It rose out of the box and into its compartment in the hilt. You placed the cover over it and set the finished item on the table. You opened your eyes and looked at your new finished lightsaber. The hilt was black and sleek, nothing like Kylo’s as his seemed to be chaotic like it was made in a hurry. You force flicked it on and red light shot out of it. It hummed in your hand and you admired how light it was. You twirled it round. Perfect, everything about it was perfect. It was different to the stick you had been using but it was roughly the same size. You clicked it off and went to attach it to your belt. So this was your life now. Apprentice to the Supreme Leader, the same Supreme Leader you wanted between you legs. You shook your head, you couldn’t have him. He didn’t want you. Move on, you told yourself sternly. You reached out tentatively with the force.  
Kylo?  
The door whooshed open and he stood there in just a plain shirt, trousers and boots, his dark hair flopped into his face and it looked like you had just woken him up. He came over and held his hand out. You handed him the hilt, he lit it and gave it a few swings.   
‘Good. This is a decent weapon.’ He handed it back to you. ‘Do not lose this. This weapon is who you are. Now go and rest we shall train tomorrow, then we go planet side.’   
‘I’m excited.’ You said. He paused to look at you. You shrugged, amazed you even had his attention, usually he dismissed any effort at small talk. ‘I can’t remember the last time I was on a planet. Feeling the wind, seeing greenery.....’ you gave yourself a mental shake.   
‘Have you ever seen the sea?’ The question startled you, you tried to look anywhere but his face.   
‘I can’t remember.’   
‘When this mission is done, I will take you.’   
‘Really?’ You breathed, your eyes widened in excitement as you locked eyes. The air between you almost seemed to vibrate as you looked at each other, you noticed he was breathing heavily and his fist clenched. He bit the inside of his cheek and his jaw tensed up.  
‘Get out.’ He snapped. The mood in the room changed in an instant. His eyes grew dark with anger and his presence seemed to grow before your eyes. You didn’t need telling twice the ran for the door and slamming it shut behind you. You ran for your quarters and didn’t stop until you were safe inside. You could feel his anger, his frustration in tremors through the force as he destroyed the training room. Tears flowed down your cheeks, you just wanted to take away his pain but he wouldn’t let you in. You didn’t even undress, you threw yourself onto the bed and succumbed to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

The ship jolted as it landed on the planets surface, you were itching to get outside but at the same time you were nervous. You could hear the Tie fighters screaming above you blasting at the resistance craft as they danced in the sky. You stood behind Kylo and he stood behind the pilot of his command ship. You could see the storm troopers creating a perimeter so you and Kylo could safely leave the ship. The ramp hissed behind you as it began to open. A storm trooper officer came up the ramp to give a report on the situation. The First Order had found a small rebel base, the order was to kill and destroy. Kylo gestured to you ‘Take my apprentice, she could use some action on the battle field. Advance inside.’ The force thrummed around you as you followed the storm trooper down the ramp. Light hit your eyes and you squinted out from under your hood. You took a deep breath, centred yourself before igniting your lightsaber and walking into battle.

Kylo Ren watched you from inside the command ship. You saunted lazily into battle twirling your saber. Immediately the resistance ground force concentrated their fire on you. You deflected their blaster fire away, your free hand came up and he felt the force tremor as you pulled a blaster out of someone’s hand. You twirled and your outfit swirled around you. He couldn’t but help but admire how you moved, what a natural you were with the force and your fighting. He felt a swell of pride watching you, because he had helped make you. He hadn’t given in to temptation, he hadn’t ruined anything with his stupid feelings. His mind wandered back to the other day, when you were making your lightsaber, the way you bit your lip, he wanted you. So badly he ached. He closed his eyes thankful for the privacy his mask gave him in that moment. He regretted destroying the training room but it was either that or take you where you stood and have you against the wall. He suppressed a groan at the thought. He peered down at you again, you were a machine slicing down anyone who got in your way. He needed to know you were ready, focused, before he let you on the battle field. He was glad he waited. His attention snapped to the sky as a rebel ship bore down on his ground force before anyone could react they shot at you and storm troopers on the ground. Kylo roared in anger ‘Shoot that ship down!’ He yelled. He felt fear as he spun around and left his ship. Storm troopers followed him as he made his way to you. He wanted to rush, he needed to know you were alright. He found your lightsaber on the floor and he picked up. The troopers were helping each other back to their transports and the last rebel craft exploded over the forest behind Kylo’s ship.   
‘Supreme Leader!’ You were behind a rock, the blast had thrown you and blood was running down your face. Kylo’s breath hitched as he took in your broken form.  
‘Get her back to the ship. Have troopers search the area. Then blow it up.’ He ordered. He marched back to his command ship his shoulders tense. You were alive he could sense it, but that didn’t stop him worrying about you. Wanting to keep you safe. Wanting you. He clenched his jaw in frustration. He needed to get back to the privacy of quarters where he could vent alone. As soon as his ship landed in the hanger he disembarked and started to head to his quarters.   
‘Supreme Leader!’ Kylo growled and fixed his eyes on the ginger headed idiot headed towards him. General Hux easily fell into step beside Kylo.   
‘Not now General.’ He warned.   
‘Well? Did you find anything?’  
‘It was a small rebel base like the intelligence said, it’s destroyed now.’   
‘I saw your apprentice got herself blown up.’ Before he could stop himself Kylo grabbed Hux’s throat, force chocking him.   
‘I said not now.’ Kylo snarled.   
‘Yes Supreme Leader.’ Gasped Hux, Kylo watched in satisfaction as he began to turn blue before releasing him and carrying onto his quarters. 

You groaned before you even opened your eyes as the pain in your head throbbed. You groggily tried to sit up.   
‘Not too fast, you had quite a knock.’ A voice said.  
‘Doctor Arla.’ You whispered. You opened your eyes slightly. ‘Are you my doctor now too?’  
‘Kylo will only have the best for you.’ She replied. ‘You are his apprentice after all.’ You could hear her tapping on her holopad. ‘You are recovering nicely Commander, all I suggest is more rest. You got off lightly from that blast.’ You nodded.  
‘The force,’ you tried to finish your sentence but you were so tired you slipped back into sleep. 

All you could see was a blue flickering light. It looked like a lightsaber. You squinted walking towards it. The light danced in a complicated pattern and you watched the man weird it with ease. He paused and glanced in your direction.  
‘Struggling to sleep Ben?’ You nodded. He held out the saber to you. ‘Like to try?’  
‘Really Uncle Luke?’ The man smiled.  
‘Just be careful or your mother would never forgive me.’ You took it gently admiring the way it felt in your hands. You gave a couple of swings and it hummed in your hand. ‘This was my fathers, your grandfathers saber.’ He looked at you. ‘One day it will be yours.’ 

You jolted awake. The room was dark and you realised you were in your own quarters. You sighed as your tummy rumbled and you couldn’t remember the last time you ate. You grabbed whatever you could find in your fridge. As you chewed you felt the need to go for a walk. You slipped on some leggings and a black top, you dismissed your boots, it was late and no one would be around. You ran a brush through you hair and left your quarters. Habit took you to the bridge. The officer on duty bobbed their head at you.  
‘Commander.’ You nodded back and went to stand by the window. You always loved looking at the stars. You stared down at the planet seeing the greens and blues, you had to admit even though you got blown up it was amazing to feel solid ground under your feet again. You thought back to the dreams you had been having, you had no idea who Ben was or what he looked like as you were always seeing it from his perspective. Luke. The name teased your mind, the blue lightsaber would mean he was a Jedi. You paused. Not Luke, as in Luke Skywalker? The kid called him uncle. You stepped up to a screen and typed in Luke Skywalker. Lots of information popped up but you wanted a family tree. Everyone knew Luke and Leia were the children of Darth Vader and Padmé Amidala. The story was legend how they were separated at birth but found each other in later life. And brought down the Empire, killing Emperor Palpatine with barely anything. There it was, and there was the child Ben, under Leia and Han Solo. Just a picture of a baby, it didn’t help you find out who Ben was at all.   
‘Commander’ you pressed the cancel button and the whole screen went blank. ‘You’re up late’ the Supreme Leader stood looking out the window. He didn’t have his mask on or his cloak but he was fully dressed. Unlike you. He turned to you and raised an eyebrow at your bare feet.   
‘I couldn’t sleep.’ You wanted to tell him about your visions, dreams. You even opened your mouth to say something. He looked intently at you, waiting. ‘It’s nothing.’ You finally said. You both stood side by side, so close you could almost feel his body heat on your arm. Your hands shook slightly and you took in a deep breath. You remembered how he felt, his muscles rippling under your hands, the way how he felt when he thrust inside you. You coughed and made your excuses. All you could think about was getting back to your quarters and sticking your fingers in your heat, anything to ease this ache, this need you had for Kylo Ren. What you didn’t realise is he headed back to his quarters to get rid of his need for you.


	8. Chapter 8

The wind whipped your hair around your face as you stared out at the sandy desert before you. You remembered how much you detested sand. This, you did not miss. A storm trooper approached you.   
‘We have captured the prisoner Commander.’ You nodded and followed him into the small town. The villagers were all rounded up on one side by the troopers. You ducked into a hut and came face to face with Poe Dameron. You didn’t know much about him, you didn’t need to, but the troopers all admired his flying skills. You stared at him and he stared wearily at you.  
‘I heard Ren had an apprentice’ he stated. You didn’t say anything as you began to search his mind with the force. Memories that weren’t yours flooded your mind and you began to shift through them. He tried to resist you but you were too strong.   
‘Where is the resistance base?’ You asked. Imagines of people in the resistance distracted you but nothing yielded to a location.   
‘You won’t get that out of me.’ He snarled. You reached towards him with your hand and your assault on him intensified. You remembered Kylo’s training, you held back so you didn’t kill him, but applied enough pressure to reach the information you needed. Poe’s face turned red as he tried to resist you, he tried to hold his screams in but he couldn’t. Suddenly the ground shook and you could hear blasters outside. A storm trooper ran in and told you a resistance ship had landed.   
‘Withdraw the division’ you said. You forced Poe asleep and the troopers holding him caught him. ‘Get him back to my ship’ you said. You exited out the front of the hut. Your troops were being shot down by a group of rebels. Without a second thought you followed the two troopers carrying Poe. For the mission to be successful you needed to get the pilot in the air. A resistance fighter flew over the horizon and shot at your ship. The force blew you and your troopers over. You stood up and watched the fighter as is came around again. You sneered, reached out with the force and encased the ship. It stopped in midair like it hit an invisible wall. Your hand shook as you fought to keep it in place. You felt the anger build as you viewed the wreckage of your new ship. You clenched your fist using everything you could muster too you. The fighter gave out a horrible screeching sound as the metal buckled under your force, you gasped as it exploded. You were tired, so tired but you had to get your prisoner out of here. You reached out to Kylo but you knew back up would take some time to get to your location. The resistance weren’t meant to know you would be here. So Hux suggested you take a small division with you. You felt around you with the force and realised you were the only member of the First Order left alive. A few rebels surrounded you with their blasters. This was a trap. For you. You released Poe from his sleep and he jumped up from the ground.   
‘Well Commander Y/N, looks like we have the upper hand now.’ He nodded to his fellow rebel friends. You were cornered. You could easily kill them, or you could see where this was going. The mission after all was to find their base. 

Kylo felt the tremors in the force from you. You were in trouble and he couldn’t get back up to you in time. Hux suggested a small division go with you, Kylo knew it wasn’t enough but he didn’t want to insult you as he also knew you could handle yourself. He cursed loudly the officers surrounding him slowly backed away. Kylo reached out his hand and using the force he dragged General Hux to his side. Hux clutched as his throat.   
‘She’s been captured.’ Kylo said cooly through his mask, not wanting to give away how furious he really was. ‘It was your idea not to give her more troopers. How do you intend to fix this General Hux?’ Kylo released Hux and he gasped for air on the floor.   
‘Commander Y/N has been captured?’ He rasped. Kylo glared at him.  
‘I suggest for your sake, you get my Apprentice back in one piece.’ Without another word he turned away and headed for his silencer. He knew Hux would do what he could to retrieve you. But Kylo needed to search for you himself. He sat in his ship and took his mask off. His chest heaved as he tried to concentrate. He reached out to you with the force.   
I’m on a ship. They have taken my saber but I am alright.  
Why did you let yourself be captured? He demanded.  
The mission was the find their base. I am finding their base.  
Kylo sat back. He admired your dedication but not at the risk to your life.  
Aren’t we at risk every time we set foot off the ship anyway? Your voice rung in his head. He didn’t realise he was still projecting his thoughts.  
General Organa is a force user, be careful around her. I am coming to get you. He started the ship up and Hux’s obnoxious face appeared on the holopad.  
‘Remember you are the Supreme Leader, do you really have to oversee this venture?’ He asked with a slight sneer to his voice.   
‘You lost my apprentice I am clearing up your mistake’ snapped Kylo and he flicked the holopad off. He took a shuddery breath to try and centre himself. He could sense you through the force and that would be the resistances downfall.   
‘Follow my lead’ he said as his silencer flew out into space followed by all the tie fighters in the hanger. 

The resistance marched you off the ship keeping blasters on you at all times. You were puzzled as to why you were still alive. What did they want from you? The group stopped as an older woman headed towards you. She was shorter than you but not by much, her greying hair was up in a complicated pattern, but her eyes captured you the most. You knew she was General Organa, Luke’s sister, Ben’s mother. But seeing her in person shocked you a little. You reached out and tried to see into her memories, to catch a glimpse of Ben’s face. You came across an iron wall in her mind. She stopped in front of you.  
‘Commander Y/N’ she said softly.  
‘What do you want with me? Why am I still alive?’ You asked.   
‘You are the key.’ She replied simply. You frowned. You had no idea what she was talking about. She looked up at the sky as the shape of the First Order ships started to appear above them. ‘Get into your transports!’ She called. She looked back at you and almost smiled. The unmistakable screech of tie fighters sounded in the distance. You smirked.   
‘They followed her here!’ Someone yelled. Leia looked at you, like she was studying you, a still figure amidst the chaos around.   
‘Your bond is stronger than you both know. Don’t let him push you away.’ She said.   
‘Who?’   
‘Ben Solo.’   
‘General we have to leave!’ A Tie fighter came screeching over the base shooting at the building. You shielded your eyes from the explosion and watched as Leia was whisked away from you. You summoned your light saber to you and ignited it. Blasters started shooting at you but you deflected them all with a flick of your wrist. You started working your way to the General, if you could finish her you could finish this fight once and for all.   
NO! Kylo’s voice roared in your mind and your step faltered. A well fired blaster shot got you in the shoulder and you cursed out loud. His silencer landed behind you and he jumped out just as General Organa’s transport flew away, you could see her at the window, her hand against the glass.   
‘Order them to fire on that transport!’ you yelled at some nearby troopers just as they landed.   
‘No!’ Kylo yelled again. ‘We’ve got their base they’re on the run now.’ You gripped your shoulder and blood oozed down your arm. ‘Take her back to the ship, get that wound looked at.’ You looked at Kylo trying to get a sense of what he was feeling as he looked up at the sky. His hair was scraggy but you thought he looked more handsome like that. His profile almost distracted you from the pain in your shoulder. Gods this man infuriated you. He just let the General leave! Didn’t even try to stop her. And who the hell was Ben Solo??


	9. Chapter 9

You flinched as Doctor Arla finished with your wound.  
‘You will need to rest that shoulder.’ You made a face, it was your right shoulder and you were right handed. You studied the doctors face as she typed into her holopad.   
‘Everything I tell you is confidential, isn’t it?’ She paused and looked at you over her glasses.   
‘Yes, you are my patient.’ You stepped off the bed and paced.   
‘I have no one to talk to about this. I don’t even know where to begin.’ You stopped and looked at her. You needed to see her reaction. ‘Who is Ben Solo?’ Her expression did not change and you admired her for that.   
‘Who has mentioned a Ben Solo?’ She asked carefully.  
‘General Organa.’ You began to pace again. ‘They kept me alive because she said I was the key. She said my bond with Ben Solo was strong and not to let him push me away.’ You sighed. ‘Kylo also stopped me from killing her, he let her escape and I cannot figure out why.’ You huffed in frustration. ‘Ben Solo is dead. But surely she of all people would know that?’ You turned back to Doctor Arla.   
‘I cannot help you with the answers you seek. Our Supreme Leader is wise....’ you snorted.  
‘He sent me into a trap and then stopped me from doing what I’m trained to do!’ You stopped. A trap. Hux made the decision about the trooper division. He over saw the mission details, he made sure you were without adequate protection. You spun on your heel and left the room. You needed to find Kylo. Now.   
You burst into his private quarters, your mind reeling with the information you thought you knew. You searched but he wasn’t in here. You decided to sit down and wait for him, you couldn’t go shouting this information about on the bridge. You sunk onto the end of his bed. You ran your hand over the sheet. That night was a distant memory now, you were pretty sure it would never happen again. Weariness grabbed you, it had been a busy day, you flopped onto your back and closed your eyes. 

When Kylo entered his quarters he could sense something was different, he charged in ready to force choke someone, but all he found was you, flat on your back on his bed snoring. You looked so peaceful, your mouth was open slightly as you breathed heavily, the wound on your shoulder had bled through the gauze and he noted that your tunic was torn, and your bare shoulder was showing. He wanted to touch your skin so badly. Your hair was splayed on the bed around you. The picture of utter perfection. He turned away from you fist clenched. He didn’t want to wake you, but this was the first time he had seen you in his quarters since that night. He wanted to know why you were here. But he also didn’t want you to leave. He stripped off his tunic, boots and gloves and slowly climbed into his bed without knocking you. He wondered if he should move you so you were next to him but he dismissed that idea. He was pretty sure you did not have feelings for him anymore. If there was one thing he was good at it was pushing people away. He lay on his back, arm behind his head as he thought back to Leia’s face as she left in the transport. She had aged but she still managed to look the same. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand. ‘Enough’ he whispered to himself. 

You groaned, all you seemed to do these days was ache, you sat up, your legs felt numb from the position you’d been sleeping in. You tried to rub some feeling back into them. Then you remembered where you were. You noticed his tunic and gloves were on the table and his boots on the floor. Your breath hitched slightly as you realised he was here. You heard a sigh behind you. You rose slowly, not wanting to fall over and not wanting to make any noise. Kylo was face down on his bed his legs spread wide and his arms stretched out. He was spread so widely one leg was hanging off the bed. Now you didn’t know what to do. Did you wake him, he clearly didn’t mind you being here or he was just being polite. You rolled your eyes. He was the Supreme Leader he didn’t have to be polite especially in his own private space. You don’t know how long you stood there awkwardly trying to assess the situation, when finally he moved. He noticed you were awake and sat up slowly. His hair messy from being asleep, his eyes were still tired and he just looked weary. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and he tapped the space next to him. You gently sat down on the corner of the bed. ‘You probably have a very good reason for falling asleep on my bed. Commander. I’d love to hear it.’ You couldn’t tell if he was angry or not, his voice still had that just woken up sound to it and it made you shiver slightly.   
‘Hux is the spy.’ You blurted out. His eyes locked with yours and you tried to read his expression.   
‘Why? What proof do you have?’ He rumbled. You threw your hands up.   
‘That’s it, I have none. I’m going on assumptions.’ You rose and started pacing, you absently tugged at the cloth hanging off your shoulder. Your wound itched and it seemed to fuel your mood. ‘He’s so sneaky, and smarmy, and smug. He walks around like no one can touch him.’  
‘They can’t.’ Kylo said. ‘We need him.’ You huffed and angrily shoved your hair behind your ears. You knew Kylo was right. If anything happened to Hux there would be mutinies, and it was a mess the First Order couldn’t afford right now. ‘It’s the only reason I haven’t killed him.’ Kylo stood and stretched his long arms above his head. You couldn’t help but side glance at his naked midriff under the shirt. ‘But I agree he is the spy. His hatred for me is strong, even when I shut him off I can still sense it.’ He padded into the refresher and you could hear running water as he freshened up. He came out moments later, his shirt was gone and he had a towel around his neck. His hair was wet and it fell into his eyes, he absently ran his hand through it. You turned away and closed your eyes. Your body trembled as images flashed before you, you remembered how he felt on top of you, inside you....  
‘Y/N?’ His voice was right beside you and you started out of your daydream. You made your excuses and left hastily for your own quarters.


	10. Chapter 10

The door shut behind you and you threw yourself face first onto your bed. You scrunched up your face but the hot wet tears came anyway. Tears of frustration that even after all this time these feelings won’t go away! You shoved your hand down your trousers, your shoulder complained but you didn’t care as you began to work yourself. You imagined Kylo his hair in his eyes, him looking at you, kissing you, touching you, gods you wanted him so badly.  
There was an urgent knock at your door. You gasped and staggered upright your legs pressed together as you tried to stand properly. You force opened the door ready to shout at whoever had disturbed you.   
As soon as the door opened, he was on you. Kylo charged at you with such force you both smacked into the table and chairs knocking them over. His hot mouth was kissing you so hard you wondered if you were dreaming. He placed his hands on your bum and lifted you up, instinctively you wrapped your legs around his hips and you moaned loudly when you felt how hard he was between your legs. You were already sensitive from where you had started to finger yourself. He pulled away from you to look at you, his hands either side of your face, you jigged a bit in urgency and tried to kiss him again but he held you in place. His thumb gently brushed the last few tears away from your lashes. He leant into you and kissed you softly like he knew he was the cause of those tears. You tightened your legs around him.  
‘I need you.’ You whispered into his mouth. He stepped back slightly his hands tugging your leggings down, you slipped off the counter you didn’t realise he’d put you on and helped him pull them down to your knees. He sat you back on the counter and in one motion ripped them off you. You blushed as he kissed his way up your leg, you were so wet already. He paused at your groin his eyes slowly looked up at you, you bit your lip as you took in his expression. His eyes were darker than normal but they glinted with lust, for you. You grabbed his face and kissed him hard, as he stood you worked at pulling his trousers down. His erection sprung free and your grabbed it. He took a sharp breath in, closed his eyes and tipped his head back giving you access to kiss his neck. You tugged at his shirt and he ripped it off, his hair fell into his eyes as he looked at you kissing his chest, your hands stroking his length. He began to pull your torn tunic over your head, you hissed as your shoulder complained but he was gentle, gentle until it was off. In one fluid movement he gathered you up to him and carried you to the bed. He laid you down, you tried to pull him down for a kiss with your arms around his neck but he pulled against you.  
‘I want to look at you.’ He murmured. He locked eyes with you and you felt him at your entrance. You shamelessly opened you legs wider and whined slightly. He slowly pushed into you, you gasped and arched your back. You clenched around him and he grunted, but pushed himself all the way in. His hands cupped your face as he began to slowly pull in and out. You groaned loudly. One of his large hands slid down to your breast and he slowly sucked on the nipple flicking it with his tongue. Your eyes rolled and you tangled your hands in his hair. His pace quickened slightly you could feel the tension building deep inside you, your breath became ragged and he moved to your other breast. Without warning his hands pinned your arms above your head and he began to really thrust into you.  
‘Yes!’ You cried out. His mouth covered yours to try and cover your screams as you tensed around him, you could feel your toes curling as you brought your legs higher up his sides. You clenched your fists as they became numb from where he was leaning on your wrists but you didn’t care. You groaned loudly into his mouth with every thrust as you jerked in pleasure around him, your head spun and all you could feel was your orgasm. He rumbled deeply in his chest as he came inside you jerking against you. He collapsed onto you and you quickly wrapped your arms and legs tightly around him hugging him. He hugged you tightly back his face buried in your neck.   
‘Is this real?’ You whispered. He nodded. You don’t know how long you laid there for, you were worried this was a dream still and if you got up he’d disappear. 

You lazily trailed your hands up and down his broad back.   
‘Mmmmm that’s nice.’ He mumbled. Your heart sung and for the first time in months you were actually happy. He shifted slightly. Ready to get up. He tugged you with him and he lead you over to the refresher. He turned the shower on made sure the temperature wasn’t too hot before he pulled you in. You’d never showered with another person before so you hesitated, your mind racing. Did you wash each other? Or did you just do your own thing but in the same space? Your thoughts were chased as way as he pulled you to him for a kiss. Your breasts were against his chest as you went on tip toe to meet him. He was so tall, he took up so much room in your shower. The water felt amazing on your skin and you sighed. His hands went to your bum and you gasped as he lifted you up leaning you against the shower wall. His erection pressed into your thigh as you moved your legs around his hips. He looked at you, he was making sure you wanted this. You gave him your answer in a rough kiss and he wasted no more time. He slowly entered you and you moaned into his shoulder. It felt like every nerve in your body was on fire, you blocked out the sound of the shower as you breathed in unison. You both came quite quickly this time, it was more intimate with your foreheads together your eyes stayed locked on each other. It was the most erotic thing you had ever done. You tried to stand but had to lean heavily on him as your legs felt like jelly. But he had you. He grabbed the soap and washed you all over in gentle lazy circles. When he was done you returned the favour to him, it took you longer as there was just more of him. But you didn’t mind, any time touching him was better than time spent not touching him. Your shower was done and you were both sat on the bed in your towels. You didn’t really know what to say to him, you raised an arm to try and dry your hair but you hissed in pain.   
‘That needs changing.’ He said. He got up and grabbed your kit from the medbay. He expertly undressed the wound, applied salve and redressed it for you. You marvelled at how large his hands were and how gentle he was being with you. ‘Turn around.’ You turned your back to him and he pulled the towel off your head. He gently dried your hair and started to brush it. Your Supreme Leader was brushing your hair. You couldn’t help but giggle slightly.   
You leaned back against him and he draped an arm around you. Is this what contentment felt like? Your eyes were half closed as you thought back to everything that happened recently.   
‘Who is Ben Solo?’ You murmured. His arm disappeared from around you and you felt the atmosphere in the room instantly change.   
‘How do you know that name?’ You turned to look at him in surprise. He was angry and he wasn’t trying to hide it from you. The air in the room seems to pulse. ‘I have been having visions. Memories I suppose. And General Organa mentioned him.’ Kylo rose off the bed. His fists were clenched and his shoulders tense. Even now you couldn’t help but admire how fine he was.   
‘Ben Solo is dead.’ He spat over his shoulder.  
‘Then why do I have this connection to him?’ You stood. Your own anger building. ‘I have memories, memories that aren’t mine in my head all the time! I have visions of Luke Skywalker! I see blue lightsabers instead of red ones, I don’t want this!’ You looked up at him. ‘I want to be connected to you and only you.’ You almost whined, you were so desperate not to give him an excuse to put you through months of hell again. You wanted to go to him hug him and hold him close. But the look in his eyes told you not to. He was angry, his fists clenched so tight his arms began to tremble. He took a shuddery breath in, his eyes never left you as they began to glass over. You’d never seen this side of him before, the force vibrated around you and a rushing sound started in your ears.  
Suddenly you weren’t in your room anymore.


	11. Chapter 11

You were on a long thin metal bridge and you were in the middle.   
‘BEN!’ A stern voice called out and you froze. You turned to face the man at the end of the bridge.   
‘Han Solo. I have been waiting for this day for a long time.’ Your voice came cooly out of your mask.   
He started to walk towards you.  
‘Take off that mask. You don’t need it.’  
‘What do you think you’ll see if I do?’  
‘The face of my son.’ You slowly remove your mask.  
‘Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father. So I destroyed him.’   
‘That’s what Snoke wants you to believe but it’s not true, my son is alive.’ Anger rose in you.  
‘No. The Supreme Leader is wise.’ Han continued to move towards you but cautiously.  
‘Snoke is using your for your power. When he gets what he wants, he’ll crush you.’ His voice lowered. ‘You know it’s true.’ You knew he was right. Emotion bubbled up inside you.   
‘It’s too late.’   
‘No it’s not. Leave here with me. Come home, we miss you.’ Sadness rose to the surface. You’d told yourself so for long you couldn’t go home and yet here he was, in front of you telling you, you could still go home. Tears pricked your eyes. You took a shuddery breath.  
‘I’m being torn apart.’ You confessed. ‘I want to be free of this pain.’ Han took another step towards you. ‘I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?’ The light was fading fast around you. Your voice sounded vulnerable, pained.  
‘Yes, anything.’ Said Han quietly. You dropped your mask and unholstered your lightsaber. You looked at it before it extending it to Han. His eyes widened slightly like he couldn’t believe you were doing this but he smiled at you. All the while the light was disappearing around you. Han reaches for the saber and he tries to take it off you, but you just couldn’t let go. The light vanished and you knew what you had to do. In one motion you ignited your saber right into Han’s chest and out of his back. His eyes widened in shock. You could hear a roar and someone screamed. But you couldn’t tear your eyes away from his eyes. His knees begin to buckle as the life left his body. You extinguished the lightsaber and Han places a hand on your face. Before he fell into the abyss below. 

You gasped as you came out of the memory and realisation hit you. Kylo was Ben. Ben was Kylo. You staggered slightly. He had killed his father, but it hadn’t helped him at all. An internal war was still raging inside him between the call of the light and the darkness. That explained this constant torture of himself. Why he pushed you away, anyone away incase they found out the truth. He eyed you wearily, reliving that again must have been painful for him. You’re both breathing heavily, you didn’t know how to feel but all you wanted to do was take his pain away. You reached for him, his hand slowly came up to meet yours and you held on tightly. You reached out with the force and you felt him. His barriers were down and you drank him in. The conflict was there but he enjoyed how you made him feel. You dulled the pain. You made him feel better, less chaotic. He needed you. Images flashed before you, images of you. You broken and bleeding on the floor, the fear he felt when you’d been taken by the resistance, the calmness he felt when he saw you standing at the window looking out at the stars, how he admired your skill with the force and your saber. The hot lust he felt for you when he saw you bite your lip in the training room. You took it all in and more as you sunk into his embrace.   
This was the connection you wanted, this was what he needed. Now you understood why Leia said you were the key.


	12. Chapter 12

You watched his chest rise and fall as he slept. You were happy he’d finally opened up to you, you both knew how you felt about each other there was no hiding now. But you still didn’t know how to help him with the conflict that raged inside him. He was an amazing Supreme Leader, it suited him, being in charge and obviously you agreed with everything the First Order stood for. You turned your back to Kylo and hung your head in your hands. But what if there was another way? The resistance had fought this for years and before that the Empire. Balance. There couldn’t be one without the other, you couldn’t please everyone. You thought about the force. There couldn’t be light without dark, but really the force was neutral, it was what you did with it that mattered. Your actions made you dark or light, not the force around you. You huffed. You carefully got off the bed and snuck out of your quarters. Again no boots but you didn’t care. You stood on the bridge, stars all around. Infinite space before you. You felt something brush against your mind. It wasn’t Kylo. It was someone else. You opened yourself up slightly.   
A voice said your name.  
Leia. You replied stiffly.  
I need your help. Bringing Ben home.  
I cannot help you with that. His home is here as the Supreme leader. You could sense her sadness.  
Please Y/N.....  
No. You severed the connection. When you opened your eyes an officer was standing in front of you.  
‘Commander?’   
‘What?’ You snapped.   
‘You’ve been stood here for a good hour now. Are you alright? Do I need to send for someone?’   
‘No. I’m alright just tired.’ You took one last look outside before heading back to your quarters. You were happy to see Kylo hadn’t moved at all and you slipped in beside him. It felt nice to have him in your bed. You breathed him in before succumbing to sleep. 

You stood on the bridge as the ship travelled through lightspeed. You were heading to the planet Crait. The rebels had holed up in an old base there. It was time to destroy them. Kylo stood next to you, his mask was off and his expression blank but with your stronger connection through the force you could feel him. He was conflicted. Even with your help he struggled daily. Having had Jedi training and Sith training the only thing he could rely on was his anger. You could hear Hux barking orders, something about a cannon.   
‘Prepare my ship.’ Said Kylo and you followed him off the bridge. In here. You quickly dived into an empty meeting room. You removed your hood and he grabbed you roughly. His kiss was hot and urgent. Anything could happen on this mission and you both knew it. You pressed yourselves as close to each other as you could with the need to really feel each other. He pulled away and straightened. His eyes were dark. He needed to feel much more of you but there wasn’t time. ‘You know what to do.’ He said quietly. You nodded and watched him leave. You slipped your hood back over your head and went to find Hux. You shadowed him, listening to his orders trying to see if he would slip up. Anything that you could use against him and prove he was the spy. You kept to the shadows as he made his way to Kylo’s ship. You snuck aboard behind Hux and took your place next to Kylo. You didn’t look at each other. The mission was all you could think about right now. The command shuttle made its way down the planet. You could see the cannon and the AT-ATs on the ground below the ship in place already. The massive door was down and there was no way into the base. Yet. Kylo gave the order and the cannon started warming up. It was huge, you’d never seen anything like it. Generally you were stuck on a ship in space you never got to see the battles just read the reports and over saw everything but from up there.   
‘Preparing to fire.’ There were some resistance craft left on the ground kicking up a red dust as they skimmed about. They scattered and began to retreat back to the base. Orange light shot out of the cannon and trained on the massive door of the base. You could hear a deep humming sound as the light intensified. A blast shot from the cannon and ripped a hole in the door.   
‘General Hux. Advance, no quarter, no prisoners.’ You wanted to look at Kylo. You knew Leia was in that base and he knew it. Only you must have heard the hitch in his breath as he effectively ordered the death of his own mother. ‘STOP!’ He yelled as a single figure came out of the base. Luke. The man you had seen in your visions, he had aged but it was definitely him. Kylo’s rage filled the cabin, you let it flow through you strengthening you. ‘I want every gun we have to fire on that man. Do it.’ The AT-ATs fired. ‘More!’ Kylo yelled. His fists clenched and he yelled again.   
‘That’s enough.’ Said Hux quietly. Kylo relaxed his hands. ‘ I said that’s enough!’ You turned your eyes to Hux. ‘Do you think you got him?’ He asked wearily. ‘Now if we get moving we can finish this.’ You narrowed your eyes and your anger spiked. Hux just saw the end goal he didn’t understand why Kylo was so incensed to see his Uncle, his own Uncle who tried to kill him. Kylo sat down, his rage dissipated as quickly as it had come and took a deep breath. You wanted to put your arms around him to tell him it would be ok. He had to do it.   
‘Sir?’ Kylo stood and looked outside. Not a single blast had touched him. That was not possible even for someone as powerful as Kylo.   
‘Bring me down to him. Keep the door covered and don’t advance until I say.’ Said Kylo cooly. His voice didn’t betray how he was feeling at all. You breathed deeply to try and centre yourself from his constant changing emotions. ‘Supreme Leader, don’t get distracted, our goal....’ before anyone could react you force grabbed Hux and threw him to the side. He yelled in surprise as he smacked into the control panel. No one even flinched.   
‘Right away sir.’ Said the pilot and the command ship began to descend. You went to follow Kylo down the ramp but he held a hand up to stop you. He needed to do this alone. You went back to stand behind the pilot so you could see what was happening. Kylo shed his cloak and ignited his lightsaber. You couldn’t hear what they were saying but you could tell by Kylo’s stance they were going to fight. Kylo charged and Luke dodged. Kylo charged again and Luke spun away from him. Luke extinguished his lightsaber, you could see his face as he stared at Kylo. His eyes looked up at you as Kylo charged for a final time, his red saber sliced through Luke but it didn’t touch him. You gasped. Kylo turned around, he raised his light saber and pushed it through his uncles apparition. Now Kylo was facing you you could see the torture in his face. Luke faded out before your eyes. You concentrated and searched with the force. The rebels were escaping at the back of the base. You heard Kylo’s yell from inside the ship. General Hux stood and smoothed down his hair. ‘Can we advance now? They’ve probably all escaped anyway.’ You gripped him round the throat with the force and pulled him towards you.   
‘Are you questioning the Supreme Leader’s actions?’ You snarled.  
‘No Commander!’ You dropped him and he landed on his knees. He glared at you as he rubbed his throat and stood up. ‘Follow the Supreme Leader inside.’ He ordered. You left the ship with Hux’s eyes following you.  
You marched towards the base entrance, all you could think about was getting to Kylo. You felt a presence next to you, but there was no one there. A touch like a breath of wind brushed against your mind, you felt calm, at peace and full of light.  
Help him......the voice whispered. You reached out but the presence was gone. You entered the base and found Kylo crouched down in an empty room. He stood when you entered. You noticed how tired he looked. Tired and beaten. His eyes were glassy and it took all of your strength not to touch and comfort him. You could feel Hux watching you both.   
‘The base is empty. They escaped on a ship out the back.’ He nodded and you fell into step beside Kylo as he made his way back to the command ship.   
‘Blow it up.’ You told a trooper as you boarded.   
‘Yes Commander.’


	13. Chapter 13

It had been about a week since Crait. Kylo had holed up in his quarters, he wouldn’t even let you in. You tried to carry on as normal, as people would expect you to do. You watched Hux closely everyday but once you were back in your quarters and your guard came down, you just cried. It felt like Kylo had gone again. You could sense he was alive but he was doing his damn best to sever your connection and it felt like he was physically ripping your heart out. You knew he was hurting and confused after the death of his uncle. To force project yourself so far across the galaxy would kill anyone. He was confused with his feelings about Leia, he wanted to succeed more than anything as the Supreme Leader but Hux had made him feel like shit about the failure on Crait. You wished Kylo would kill him and be done with it. But you also knew why he couldn’t.   
You paced slowly around the meeting room as the officers discussed the new resistance force. They were recruiting and making some serious noise about it. And yet the First Order could not find out where their base was.   
You listened intently as Hux talked about catching a prisoner.   
‘That didn’t work out so well last time.’ You said cooly from the shadows. A couple of the officers jumped and you felt a thrill at their fear of you. They knew you were Kylo’s eyes and ears, around the ship.   
‘Ah yes, sorry Commander maybe we should take a different tact. Any suggestions?’ You held in a groan as Hux had just dropped you right in it. You hadn’t really given this much thought, and he knew that.   
Tell him something, anything. I need to get off this ship. Kylo’s voice rung in your mind for the first time in days.   
‘The Supreme Leader and I have some ideas on what to do next.’  
‘What might they be, Commander?’ He sneered your title.   
‘You shall know the details in due time General. We still have a spy onboard the less details said the better.’ Some of the officers nodded and murmured in agreement.   
‘Fine.’ Hux spat. You could tell he was absolutely furious. ‘I take it the Supreme Leader has asked you to oversee preparations?’   
‘He has.’ You nodded curtly at the officers and left before anyone could say anything else. You wanted to run to Kylo, but you knew you were being watched. Troopers were shadowing you. You changed your course and heading to the training area. You had taken to training there recently and you had gained a lot more respect since everyone could see your power. You had asked a group of troopers to fire on you at will once, you know just for training purposes. Now people avoid you. The training area was empty and you stood in your usual spot and flexed the force around you, nobody could see it but it sent a vibration round so even non force users could feel it. Just a reminder to those following you what they were dealing with. You pulled your hood lower over your face as you sat down on the floor with your legs crossed. You placed your lightsaber on the ground next to you. Closed your eyes and concentrated. They didn’t waste any time, thinking you were vulnerable and in meditation. One went to grab your saber and you force choked him, another raised his blaster to shoot at you, you threw yourself backwards flat on the floor as the laser passed over you almost in slow motion. You used the force to help you up and kick the trooper behind you in the head. Your saber flew to your hand and ignited you spun round and sliced him through the middle as he stumbled away from you. You reached your hand out behind you to force grab the last trooper and drag him towards you.   
‘Did you really think,’ you whispered to him, ‘that you could come at me with blasters and kill me?’ He made a choking sound as you squeezed on his throat. ‘Who sent you?’ You delved into his mind and he let out a strangled cry ‘Who sent you?!’ You shouted as the life began to leave him. Hux’s face was the last thing the trooper thought of before he died.   
Hux just tried to have me assassinated. You sent Kylo. All you got was blind rage back.   
He’s a dead man. You felt cold realisation settle on you as it hit you what Kylo was about to do. You dropped the lifeless body of the trooper and ran out of the training area, it was empty so no one had witnessed what just happened. But the attempt had been out in the open none the less. You could hear Kylo’s rage he was yelling for Hux. Officers and troopers alike were fleeing, you were the only one running towards the chaos. Kylo stood bellowing in the meeting room corridor, his saber crackling matching his intense anger. His hair was plastered to his head as he sweated, his cloak flared around him as he searched each room. You could see bodies littered the floor behind him.   
‘Supreme Leader!’ You called. He looked at you his eyes red with rage. His face was taught and you could see he hadn’t shaved giving him an even more feral look. ‘What are you doing?’ He stepped close to you.   
‘I am going to kill him.’ He shoved past you.  
‘Kylo, Kylo you cant!’ You tried to grab his arm but he just brushed you off. The force, surrounded him, it almost vibrated it was the most powerful you had ever seen him. Through your bond you could feel just how powerful he was, it fed your anger and your power. But you had to keep your head. ‘Kylo lets just leave. If you kill Hux, it will be carnage. They might even rise against you.’ Your words had weight, he knew you were right. He gripped the handle of his lightsaber tightly. He looked over his shoulder at you. ‘Please.’ You whispered. He nodded and switched it off. You grabbed his hand and ran him down to the hanger, you got in a TIE fighter, Kylo in the pilots seat. ‘We need to go now!’ You could sense the troopers getting ready to fire at you. The fighter rose up and flew for the hanger door, blaster shots shooting past you as you entered space. Kylo turned the fighter.  
Take out the turbolaser. You shot it and it blew up. They will use the ventral cannons next. You nodded even though Kylo couldn’t see you. Warhead launchers fired at you, you easily shot one, then the other. Another one blew up on debris from the ship due to Kylo’s expert piloting skills. You breathed a sigh of relief. Then you started to laugh, some weird hysterical laughter, you were leaving your entire life behind and you just did it. You didn’t even think! You wiped a tear from your eye. You gasped loudly   
‘Kylo!’ You screamed as a warhead clipped the Tie fighter and all of a sudden you were spinning out of control. You were going to die and there was nothing you could do.


	14. Chapter 14

All you could feel was pain, you didn’t know if it was yours or Kylo’s or both. You groaned loudly and tried to move.  
‘She’s waking up!’ Someone whispered. ‘Administer more sedative.’ Your eyes flew open, you were on a table and there was a bright light above you, making you squint. You flung out with the force knocking a few things over, you heard some grunts, the satisfying smack of people hitting walls and the sound of instruments being scattered all over the floor.   
‘Stop stop!’ You felt some hands on your stomach to apply pressure. You raised your hand and began to force choke them. ‘You’re bleeding!’ They gasped. You looked down and saw red flowing out of a wound in your abdomen. You felt woozy, your limbs heavy and you crashed back onto the table. You felt more hands on you and the prick of a needle then it all went black.   
You were groggy, your head fuzzy and you couldn’t think straight. There was no pain anymore and you felt comfortably numb. You tried to reach out for Kylo but you couldn’t sense him. You tried to open your eyes but they felt so heavy and you slipped back into unconsciousness.  
You could hear whispers, you couldn’t understand what they were saying, you felt slow, groggy still.   
‘I don’t know how to tell her.’ One voice said.   
‘Is he going to make it?’ Said a male voice.  
‘I don’t, I don’t know.’ You groaned.   
‘Y\N? How are you feeling? Can you hear me?’  
‘Yes, yes I can hear you.’ You opened your eyes slowly. ‘Where am I?’  
‘You’re at a resistance base..’ you tried to sit up but pain shot through your abdomen. ‘Move slowly! Be careful!’ You knew that voice. You raised your eyes.   
‘Poe Dameron.’ You said.   
‘The one and only.’ He looked weary of you and so he should. ‘How you feeling there Commander?’   
‘Sore.’ He nodded.  
‘You came to on the table, gave our medical team quite a shock.’  
‘Where is Kylo?’ You looked at the figure sitting next to you. Leia’s head was down, almost like she couldn’t look at you. ‘Where is he?’ You asked again through gritted teeth.   
‘Can you walk?’ You nodded. You would if it meant you could see Kylo. Poe grabbed your arm as you tried to get off the bed. You grunted with the effort. You stumbled and he heaved you up.  
‘Here,’ he said as he put your arm round his neck and snaked his carefully round your middle. You tried not to think about the last time you met but you did wonder why the hell he was helping you now. You followed Leia and she led you to another room.   
‘We cleared this part of the base, because of your reaction we weren’t sure if Ben would react the same.’ She looked at you. ‘He, he is in a pretty bad way.’ She whispered.  
‘Let me see him. I can take it.’ Leia nodded and opened the door. You hobbled in with Poe but as soon as you saw Kylo’s body on the bed you pushed him away and rushed ahead. Tears welled in your eyes as you took in the state that Kylo was in. Your hands hovered over him like you wanted to touch him but you couldn’t. He was hooked up to machines, there were wires everywhere, a tube went down his throat and you could tell one of the machines was helping him breathe. There was dried blood all over his face and his body, arms and legs were all wrapped in bandages.   
‘What ha...happened??’ You sobbed.   
‘We think your fighter got hit, and then Kylo tried to save you both by going to lightspeed only that wrecked your fighter more, you appeared above the planet and fell through the atmosphere before landing in the jungle. You were both unconscious, we had no idea if either of you would survive.’ Leia looked down at her son. ‘We still don’t know if he will survive.’ You gently took Kylo’s large hand in both of yours, it was limp and slightly cold. You closed your eyes as fat tears rolled down your face.   
‘Leave me.’ Poe hesitated and looked at Leia. ‘I said leave me alone!’ You shouted. She nodded at Poe and they both left, you force slammed the door shut behind them. ‘Kylo, Kylo you cant die you’re not allowed to leave me please!’ You cried loudly desperately reaching out with the force to try and feel him. But it felt like his body was a shell and he wasn’t there anymore. ‘Noooooooo!’ You screamed. The foundation of the building you were in shook slightly and dust fell down around you. The force of your grief spread over the base not that you noticed. The door burst opened and Poe caught you just before you fainted.


	15. Chapter 15

The days turned into weeks, but that didn’t mean anything as you sat by Kylo’s bedside day in and day out. You meditated, you paced, you even trained, but nothing changed in him. You screamed at him, cried at him, begged him, read him stories and you still got nothing. Not even a flicker. Leia came everyday, you had told her why you were leaving the First Order, and what had happened with Luke. Poe came and brought you food, not that you ate it much. No one else came by and you didn’t expect them to. Kylo was the most feared most powerful person you knew in the galaxy after all. Still the enemy in the resistances eyes.  
You were sat on a chair, your legs resting on Kylo’s bed, a book that Poe had given you resting on your lap when he came in with some food.   
‘Here’s breakfast!’ He put the tray near you. He stood next to Kylo and then looked at you. You’d grown to like the pilot, he was a bit of a loveable rogue and his smile was infectious. ‘You want me to watch him while you shower? Because....’ he made a gesture with his hand to encompass you all. You made a face back at him.  
‘Is it that bad?’ You asked.   
‘No, but yeah, kinda.’ He replied. You rolled your eyes and got up  
‘You call me....’  
‘Yeah yeah I’ll call you if there’s any change.’ He sat in your chair with a sigh. He looked tired today. You nodded and disappeared into the little bathroom attached to Kylo’s room. You showered quickly, changed and ran a brush through your hair. You went back to the room and found Poe fast asleep in your chair. You smiled slightly when you saw him, you went over to the tray he’d brought and grabbed some bread off of it. You took a bite and headed over to sit on Kylo’s bed. You sat down and traced your fingers over his hand. It twitched under your touch. You paused, thinking you’d imagined it. You did it again and he twitched again.   
‘Poe!’ You hissed, ‘Poe!’ He wasn’t waking up so you used the force to push him off the chair.  
‘Whoa! What happened?!’ He asked panicked as he got up.  
‘Poe, look.’ You ran your finger over Kylo’s hand and his finger raised.   
‘I’ll get Leia.’ And he was gone. You closed your eyes and searched with the force. There! A flicker of Kylo. You grabbed it.  
Kylo! Kylo! He nearly slipped away from you but you refused to let him go again. You pulled with all your mental might. You began to sweat with the effort you were exerting. You heard Leia and Poe return but you couldn’t acknowledge them.   
‘What’s happening?’ Asked Poe.  
‘She’s pulling him back to us. Poe look!’ She whispered.  
You could feel Kylo resisting you. No. You are not leaving me again Kylo! You could feel the force flowing from you to him, you didn’t care if it killed you, you would give everything if you had to. His hand gripped your hand and your eyes flew open. He was staring at you his brown eyes bright as they locked with yours. You couldn’t help the emotions that flowed out of you and you sobbed uncontrollably and kissed his hand over and over again. Leia sat heavily in your abandoned chair and Poe called one of the medical team who removed the tube from Kylo’s throat, he coughed a few times and it was like music to your ears. He reached for you and you buried your face in his neck.


	16. Chapter 16

The next few days you concentrated on looking after Kylo, making sure he was eating, next was getting him out of bed and walking. He was weak but the bond you shared seemed to help and he grew stronger everyday. He didn’t talk much and you knew it was awkward for him to be here. Leia gave you both space and Poe stopped visiting. But you didn’t really notice. Kylo was resting after walking around his room a few times without your help for the first time and you were just sat there staring at him. You couldn’t believe he was here and he was alive. You felt grateful, and grateful to Leia. She didn’t have to save you, but she did.   
‘Shall we go for a walk? Around the base?’ You didn’t realise he was awake you were so deep in your day dream.   
‘Around the base?’ He nodded.   
‘You haven’t been have you?’ You shook your head and he sighed.   
‘You didn’t have to be beside me the whole time.’ He stretched him arms out straight and grunted a little. You caught yourself eyeing him feeling a little flustered. But he wasn’t ready for that and you tried to ignore it.  
‘I couldn’t lose you.’ Was your quick reply. He sat up and pulled you onto the bed for a hug. He was warm and he smelt so good. He tilted your head to kiss you, it was sweet and gentle but still gave you a thrill. His heart pounded slowly in his chest as he hugged you to him.   
‘So that walk?’ His voice rumbled through his chest.  
‘Are you up to it?’ You asked. He nodded as you sat up.   
‘I feel good today.’ You shrugged and watched him get off the bed. He wasn’t his usually sure footed self but he was pretty determined.   
‘Ok then.’ You opened the door and then stood there. He came up behind you and you bit your lip looking left and right.  
‘You don’t know where to go do you?’ You blushed. He came up behind you and you bit your lip looking left and right. You could feel his big chest against your back and you purposely pressed yourself against him a little.   
‘Well, I haven’t left this room.’ He chuckled lightly and you looked at him in surprise. In all the years you had known Kylo Ren he had never laughed, chuckled or made any jovial sounds out loud before.   
‘Come on,’ he said. He draped an arm over your shoulders and you settled snuggly into his side.   
‘Are we going to be welcome?’ You asked quietly.  
‘They had every chance to kill us.’ He said matter of factly. You matched his strides as you headed towards outside. There were people everywhere, cross wing fighters were parked all over and dotted about were other craft as well. Everybody looked like they had a job to do. You hesitated and Kylo sensed that.  
‘This way,’ he said as he tugged on your hand. You followed him for a few minutes before you realised he was leading you away from the base.  
‘Where are we going?’ He looked back at you a mischievous look on his face. ‘I’m serious where are we going?’ You asked again as he ducked into some undergrowth. You followed, when you straightened up you realised he had led you right into the jungle. You couldn’t hear the sound of the base at all, just the quiet whisper of a slight breeze in the leaves of the tall trees. You looked up, you had never seen anything more beautiful. The trees were so tall you had to crane your neck to see the leaves above you. Vines swayed lazily in the wind and you couldn’t believe there was just, this much green in the galaxy. Your eyes came down to rest on Kylo as he watched you. You bit your lip shyly and looked away. He looked so handsome standing there, his hair was swept into his eyes and he slowly moved it away as he stepped towards you.   
‘Isn’t nice to get out of that room?’ You nodded. You could almost feel the air vibrate between you as he laid a hand on your cheek. He gently ran a thumb cross you cheek bone before moving his hand to your hair. ‘It got long.’ He said simply. It had got long and you had taken to wearing it in a braid down your back. His hand closed around it, he pulled on the braid gently so you had to tilt your head back. He caught your lips in a hungry kiss and you instantly moaned. You could feel the wetness between your legs already. You slipped your hands under his loose shirt and felt his skin, his back was so hard and toned. His tongue darted against yours and his spare hand crept up under your shirt. He started massaging your breasts as you slipped your hands into his waist band. You pulled away from his kiss, you were both panting, his eyes were dark with lust and he tried to kiss you again but you turned your face.   
‘Are you up for this Kylo? We should head back.’ You whispered. You didn’t want to. All you wanted was to carry on kissing him, but he wasn’t completely better yet.   
‘Fucking kiss me.’ He growled. You pressed your legs together in anticipation and kissed him hard. His hands slid to your leggings and he began to tug them down, you both sunk to the ground. You pulled Kylo’s down revealing his hard on. You slipped your boots off and he pulled your leggings clean off. You got up on your knees and positioned yourself above him. Before you could sit down he slipped a hand between your folds and rubbed you gently. You moaned out loud and rubbed yourself on his hand. ‘Just seeing how ready you are,’ he whispered. He moved his hands and pulled your hips towards him. You gasped as he entered you. You kept your eyes on his face as his hands guided your hips up and down.   
‘Oh Kylo,’ you breathed. You put your hands in his hair and leant against him as you rode him. Your breathing became ragged as you both neared the point of no return. He felt amazing between your legs and you couldn’t believe how much you needed this, how much you needed him. You began to moan with each thrust of your hips, every stroke of his length felt amazing against your sensitive walls. He kissed you hard almost sucking the air out of you as you clenched around him. You groaned into his mouth and he groaned right back as you felt him pulse inside you. That alone tipped you over the edge and your orgasm crashed over you. He held your hips down as he finished inside you. He sighed and laid back onto the forest floor. You laid down with him, your legs intwined with his. ‘What did we just do?’ You asked breathlessly. You started to laugh and he laughed with you. It was the most relaxed you’d seen him, and it dawned on you how much pressure it must have been to be Supreme Leader. You looked at his smiling face and wondered if he’d be like this all the time if you could just stay here. Away from the fight, just hide away from the galaxy and never look back. You both got dressed and walked back to the base. As you got the edge Kylo’s step faltered. ‘Kylo?!’ He sagged against you and you had to use the force to stop from falling. You could see people just in front of you. ‘Poe!’ You shouted. He spun around and spied you straight away. He ran over.  
‘You ok?’ He asked.  
‘Help me!’ you gasped ‘He’s heavy!’   
‘Oh right, is he ok?’ He lifted Kylo from the other side.  
‘Just tired I think, we need to get him back to our room.’   
‘Did you guys go for a walk? Man he is heavy,’ he grunted. You force opened the door and you both rushed him over to the bed. You laid him down and felt with the force, but you were right he was just exhausted. ‘Want me to get a nurse?’ Poe asked.  
‘No, he’s ok just the walk took it out of him.’ You blushed slightly knowing full well it wasn’t the walk that tired him out so much.   
‘You need anything?’ You tucked the blanket around Kylo. Yes, you needed him to be better, you needed a shower, you needed Kylo between your legs again and again, your stomach rumbled pulling out of you thoughts.  
‘Actually yeah, can I come eat with you guys?’ Poe stared at you for a good few seconds before he seemed to register what you had asked.   
‘Yeah sure, I mean Leia told us you both had full access to the base. As long as.....’ he shifted slightly, ‘ you know, as long as you don’t kill us.’ You smiled.   
‘I’m not going to kill you Poe, but I might if you don’t let me eat.’ He chuckled and gestured to you. You looked back at Kylo one more time before heading off with Poe.


	17. Chapter 17

Kylo opened his eyes, he was back in your room and he felt just so tired. He knew he’d over done it but it was so worth it, to see you orgasm. He sat up slowly, he needed a shower. He could hear an echo, it sounded like you laughing. He loved your laugh it made him want to laugh and he didn’t feel that very often. He concentrated on the sound and heard someone else laughing with you. He closed his eyes and images flashed before him. They were all of you, you laughing with Poe, touching Poe’s arm, leaning into Poe, kissing Poe.....  
‘NO!’ Kylo banished these from his mind. You’d never do that and he knew it. The echo retreated and he felt uneasy. He headed to shower and wished you’d come back. You chased away the dark. 

You felt nervous as you walked into the food hall part of the base. A hush fell over as pretty much everyone noticed you. You held your head up as you followed Poe, he grabbed a tray and you copied. People began to talk again but in whispers.   
‘Just ignore them, they’re just not used to seeing you is all.’ You grabbed some food and followed him to a table. He clapped a guy on the back and greeted the others. You hesitated. Poe looked up at you. ‘Sit down.’ He said. You slowly lowered onto a seat and began to pick at your food. ‘Y/N,’ you looked up at Poe and he gestured to the guy next to him. ‘This is Finn.’   
‘Hi.’ You looked at him hard. He was the storm trooper you read that report on, he had helped Poe Dameron escape quite a few months ago off a star destroyer. Before Kylo had awoken the force in you. You felt weird sitting at the same table as him. You wanted to call him a traitor, but weren’t you one as well? The realisation shook you. You stood up sharply and the other people at the table flinched, all of them except Poe.   
‘I’m going to eat, somewhere else.’ You grabbed a roll and marched off back to your room.  
‘Y/N wait!’ You didn’t turn around. ‘Commander!’ He shouted your title and you winced. You paused and Poe caught up with you. ‘Where are you going?’   
‘I just didn’t feel right sitting there with you all. I feel very, out of place.’ You bit your lip in frustration. You weren’t used to these feelings of awkwardness. Your anger spiked and you smacked the wall next to you with your fist. You dented the metal.   
‘Ok, shall we get you back before you, you know, ruin the base.’   
‘I know the way,’ you said curtly. ‘Don’t follow me.’ You left Poe standing there, you could sense he felt sorry for you. You were so out of your normal and he understood that. You went back to your room and heard the shower going. The bed was empty, you felt a stab of fear and you burst in on Kylo. He looked at you in surprise. Then he grinned.  
‘Want to join me?’  
‘Kylo, I think I wore you out last time.’ You went to turn away but he grabbed you pulling you fully dressed into the shower. You yelled out but with a smile on your face.  
‘You must be filthy from our little escapade.’ He whispered in your ear. You turned in his arms and kissed him before stripping your clothes off to join him.  
You both came out of the shower with stupid grins on your faces. You felt happy, blissfully happy. There was a knock at the door and you hesitated as you were both in your towels. Kylo grinned at you before saying ‘come in!’ You swatted him playfully as the door opened.   
‘Oh stars I’m interrupting!’ You gasped and hid behind Kylo as Poe covered his face. You started giggling. ‘So ah, Leia wants to see you both, ok I’m leaving now.’ He closed the door behind him and you started laughing again. But Kylo didn’t find it as funny. He smiled slightly as he pulled a top on. His eyes brooding.   
‘Hey, you ok?’ He nodded.   
‘Get dressed.’ He ordered. His mood had shifted and you didn’t know why. But you couldn’t shake this small feeling of dread.


	18. Chapter 18

You followed Kylo into a small room where Leia was. She smiled as she saw you and you hugged her smiling back. Kylo stiffened slightly at the familiarity you had with her.   
‘Ben.’ She said. He just looked at her, he didn’t know what to say to her. The last time he really thought about her he had ordered her death.   
‘General.’ He finally replied. She nodded, like she expected such a response.   
‘ I wanted to see you both, because I have felt a tremor in the force.’ Kylo shifted uncomfortably next to you.   
‘I haven’t felt anything, but I have been pre occupied. I haven’t meditated much.’ You confessed. ‘Surely there isn’t anyone else out there?’ Leia spread her hands.  
‘The galaxy is a big place. Anything is possible.’ You looked at Kylo.  
‘Have you sensed anything?’ He shook his head, but he refused to look at you. He was hiding something. Suddenly he turned and left. You looked at Leia and she shrugged. ‘I’ll go after him.’ When you found him he was stood away from the base out into the jungle. You gently placed a hand on his arm. ‘Talk to me.’   
‘I have felt something. Something dark is coming. You need to prepare yourself, because we need to leave soon.’ You stood there stunned. How could he have sensed something and you hadn’t?   
‘We can’t go back to the First Order, Hux will have us killed.’   
‘He could try, but he wouldn’t succeed.’ Replied Kylo. You both stood there in silence for a moment.   
‘What is coming?’  
‘When the time is right, you will know.’ He turned and headed back to the base. You watched him leave, your heart was heavy. You knew this couldn’t last, but what darkness was out there? You sat down and crossed your legs. You’d be damned if you were going to wait for Kylo and his cryptic messages to make sense. Meditation came easily to you and you stretched out as far as you could. But you couldn’t sense anything out of the ordinary. When you opened you eyes, darkness had fallen and you felt chilled. You slowly made your way back to the base.   
‘What are you doing out at this time?’ Poe sidled up next to you. You smiled and shivered.   
‘It gets cold when it’s dark huh?’ He pulled his jacket off and wrapped it around you.   
‘You’re not really out at this time but yeah it does get cold.’ You walked together not really talking just enjoying each other’s company. You looked up and sighed, ‘I guess I better head back, I need some decent sleep.’ You went to slip Poe’s jacket off but he held his hands up.   
‘Give it back to me tomorrow. Night Commander.’   
‘Thanks Poe.’ You watched him disappear before you headed into your room. Kylo was asleep already. You put the jacket on a chair and slipped in next to Kylo, luckily he was nice and warm and you drifted quickly off to sleep.   
‘What the fuck is this?’ You started awake as Kylo’s angry voice woke you up.  
‘What?’ You rubbed your eyes trying to wake up fully but something smacked you in the face. You gasped and looked at Poe’s jacket with your sleepy eyes. ‘It’s Poe’s jacket.’ You said before your brain to catch up.   
‘The pilot fucking loves that jacket he wouldn’t give it to just anyone!’ He was trying not to shout but anger made his words short.   
‘I meditated outside he found me I didn’t realise it had got so late I was cold he said give it back to him today. I don’t see what the problem is?’   
‘You don’t see....’ Kylo trailed off, his eyes were so angry, they darted about like he was listening to something. You reached out with the force to help calm him down, when you felt it. Such a dark presence even you recoiled. Kylo gasped his eyes full of rage as he looked at you. He charged at you lifting you out of the bed with the force and he started to choke you. You scrabbled at your throat trying to draw in a breath. On instinct you reached for your saber it flew to you and you swiped at him. His concentration broke and he dropped you.   
‘What the fuck Kylo?!’ You screamed. He backed away from you, his hands gripped either side of his head like he was trying to block something out. You reached again with the force and were bombarded with images of you and Poe, together. ‘What is this?? This isn’t real!’ The dark presence turned to you. It felt like it was studying you.   
Who are you? A voice whispered. And then it was gone. You extinguished your saber and rushed to Kylo. You crouched in front of him.   
‘Look at me. Look at me!’ You raised his head, his eyes glassy as he looked at you. He looked so sad and beaten. ‘None of that was real, none of it. I love you and only you.’ You searched his face, he nodded slightly before he buried his head in your shoulder. He was trembling. What was going on?


	19. Chapter 19

You left Kylo napping in your room and you went to go and return Poe’s jacket.   
‘Morning!’ He said cheerfully. You held the jacket out to him, you couldn’t look him in the eye, even though those images weren’t real you felt like you had seen him naked. He eyed you cautiously. ‘You ok?’   
‘Yeah. Yeah, I think so.’   
‘Come on, come with me.’ You wanted to get back to Kylo but something made you follow Poe anyway. He took you to a room, one you’d never been in before. He closed the door behind you. ‘So, sit and tell me what’s bothering you.’ You shrugged and sunk into a chair. You looked about and realised this must be Poe’s private room. ‘Well I see the red marks around your neck that weren’t there last night.’ He pointed at you.’ So you might wanna start talking.’ Your hand flew to your throat.   
‘It’s Kylo.’ Poe sighed and hung his head. ‘No you don’t understand, something is manipulating him. Someone. Someone dark.’   
‘Kylo Ren is the only force wielding bad guy in the galaxy. With Snoke dead who the hell is manipulating him now?’ You covered your face in your hands holding back tears.  
‘I don’t know! But I sensed it this morning it was tormenting him driving him crazy, over your jacket.’  
‘What?’  
‘Your jacket.’   
‘Jealousy? Kylo Ren did that, over jealousy?’ Poe looked like he just didn’t understand. He shook his head and clenched a fist.   
‘I should head back, he was napping....’ you trailed off. Kylo was searching for you, his anger building. ‘I need to leave.’ You got up but Poe grabbed your arm.  
‘You’re not safe with him.’   
‘No,’ you replied, ‘you’re not safe with me.’ You tried to shake him off. ‘Poe he’s coming!’   
‘He shouldn’t do this to you, you’re not his property.’ He said urgently.  
‘You have no idea!’ You shouted. You used the force to push Poe against the wall. Your anger spiked. The door swung open and Kylo stood there. His fists clenched in anger as his eyes moved between you. Your hand out stretched and Poe flat against the wall.  
‘So, this is awkward.’ Said Poe. You released him and he fell to the floor. ‘Ow.’ Kylo’s eyes bored into you. Your heart was racing you had no idea what he was going to do.   
‘I was going to see if you wanted to come with me. But something tells me you’d rather stay here.’   
‘You’re leaving?!’ You went to chase after him, you pulled on his arm but he threw you back with the force. You gasped as pain lanced up your back and your anger spiked. You followed him out to the hanger. ‘Where are you going?!’ As you neared him you heard the familiar buzz and crackle of his lightsaber, you brought yours up just in time to block his strike. The red reflected in his eyes and you knew you were losing him. ‘Don’t do this Kylo.’ You pushed up and dislodged his saber. You circled each other as you twirled your saber with your wrist. You knew Leia was close, watching.   
‘I’m leaving. For Exegol.’ You frowned, you’d never heard of a place called that. He extinguished his lightsaber and held a hand to you. ‘Come with me. Leave this behind and come with me.’ Something made you hesitate. You wanted to take his hand and go with him but you couldn’t. You looked at him. Something wasn’t right. His jaw was tense and he stretched out for you. You looked at his hand, his finger flexed like he wanted to touch you. Rage flickered across his face when you didn’t make a move to reach out to him. ‘Are you still holding on the fantasy idea of this?’ You could feel the tears in your eyes as you looked at him. ‘You are still holding on, let go!’ He shouted at you. You stepped back slightly from the force of his shout. He slowly put his hand down. He took one last look at you, before he climbed into the small ship behind him. Your heart pounded as the ship started up. He wouldn’t leave, would he? The ship rose above the trees and headed off into the sky. He was gone. He was actually gone. He left you here, here where you didn’t belong. You felt like you couldn’t breathe and suddenly Leia was beside you hugging you as you gasped and sobbed into her shoulder. She gently led you away from prying eyes.   
She took you to her quarters, and sat you down on her bed. When the tears had stopped she finally spoke.   
‘I had hoped you had managed it. But my son, I fear, is truly gone.’ She said. You looked at her knowing she had more to say. ‘And yet, he just left the way his father used to. All the time, he’d just up and leave.’  
‘I bet Han didn’t have someone manipulating him though.’ She looked at you.  
‘What do you mean?’  
‘I felt a presence, so dark, I’ve never felt anything like it before.’ You shook your head annoyed you couldn’t get across how it really felt. ‘It was pure evil. Hatred.’ You both looked up as there was an urgent knock on the door.  
‘General I need to speak with you!’  
‘Come in Commander.’ Poe came in he gave you a quick look to make sure you were alright before he turned to Leia. You couldn’t hear what they were saying and you didn’t care. Kylo was gone. Really gone. Hopelessness crashed down around you and you gently sobbed into your hands.


	20. Chapter 20

Leia had stuff to do and she let you stay in her room. You just lay on the bed tears leaking out of your eyes. You rolled onto your back and closed you eyes. You slipped into meditation trying to make sense of all this. You got lost following the flow of the force round the base, most of it surrounded Leia, but it flowed around everything. You found yourself being drawn to Poe. Apart from Leia he was the only familiar presence on the base to you. Looked like he was getting ready for a mission. You hoped he wouldn’t be gone long. You followed the flow out to the jungle where you had last stood with Kylo. Then you felt it, that dark feeling. You cast around trying to find it but it seemed to evade you, it wanted to watch you from a distance. You retreated back to yourself and opened your eyes. You hoped it would follow you but it didn’t. Darkness had fallen and Leia hadn’t returned. You slipped into sleep where you were just so you didn’t have to go back to your room.   
You woke up before anyone else and trudged your way to your room. You swung the door open, but couldn’t seem to make yourself go in. The bed was a mess where Kylo had just thrown off the covers, his jumper was in a heap on the floor. You took a step inside, and then another, you picked the jumper up and hugged it to you. It smelt like him. You missed him so much. You slid to the floor, you couldn’t cry, you had cried so much you just felt numb. You buried your face in the jumper and sighed.   
‘What are you doing?’ Your head snapped up. Luke Skywalker stood in front of you, he felt like the presence you had felt on Crait, calm, at peace and full of light.  
‘You’re dead.’ You said stupidly.  
‘Well yes and no. I gave myself to the force. Anyway, that is beside the point. You need to bring Ben back.’ You shook your head.  
‘I am not the person you all believe me to be. I can’t, no one knows where Exegol is. I’m not sure Kylo even knows.’ You whispered.   
‘I searched for it. Ask Leia for my books. You have to do this, you have to finish what I started, you have a part to play yet.’  
‘What could I possibly do? I’m just a traitor, a nobody, I don’t belong on either side.’  
‘You need to figure that out for yourself. But you’re here aren’t you? You belong. Ben needs you to help him....’ you nodded. You opened your mouth to reply but he had gone. You looked at Kylo’s jumper in your hands. You had a part to play. You were powerful, you had the force, you could do this. You felt steely resolve as you stood. You headed off to find Leia.  
‘You want to find Exegol?’ You nodded.   
‘Do you have any of Luke’s books I could look at?’   
‘Actually I do.’ She opened a draw and placed them on the table. ‘But I don’t see how that could help you.’  
‘He looked for Exegol, I need to pick up from where the trail ran cold for him.’ She didn’t question how you knew this, she just accepted it. ‘Where is Poe?’ You asked as you thumbed through the pages.   
‘He has gone to retrieve a message, from a spy in the First Order.’ She replied.   
‘Interesting.’ You murmured. She looked at you, like she wanted you to continue. ‘Interesting that they still haven’t caught the spy. They’ve been on that Star Destroyer for a while. I think it’s Hux. But I had no proof.’  
‘Now that is interesting,’ breathed Leia. You paused on a page. A triangle shape jumped out at you. A Sith Wayfinder. The map to Exegol.   
‘Here it is!’ You said excitedly. But that was all the page said, it had some co ordinates but you didn’t know what they related to. Maybe a planet?   
‘General! The Commander is back!’ You followed Leia outside and saw a ship on fire.   
‘What did you do?!’ You called to Poe as he walked towards you.  
‘Well the ships on fire, it’s all on fire. But it’s ok.’   
‘Doesn’t look like it.’ You raised an eyebrow. You could feel unease coming from him. ‘What’s lightspeed skipping?’   
‘Don’t do that.’ He started to walk off.  
‘Do what?’  
‘Do your mind reading tricks.’  
‘You were projecting pretty loudly.’   
‘I was?’ You nodded and he sighed.   
‘Let’s hear this message Commander.’ Interrupted Leia.  
‘Yes General.’ You followed them both to a group of people waiting to also hear the message, they eyed you warily but you ignored them. Leia hadn’t asked you leave and you needed to hear this. ‘So this message confirms the worst. Palpatine has returned.’ A gasp rippled through the group and you shifted uneasily. Emperor Palpatine? But he is dead?  
‘Do we believe this?’ Someone asked.  
‘Cloning. Something only the Sith knew.’ Someone else said.  
‘He’s been planning his revenge,’ Poe continued ‘his followers have been building something for years. The largest fleet the galaxy had ever known. He calls it the Final Order.’ Poe looked at you. ‘The Emperor and his fleet are hiding in the unknown regions, of Exegol.’ Murmurs filled the air around you but you couldn’t hear anything else except the roaring in your ears.   
‘Always in the shadows. From the very beginning.’ Whispered Leia.   
‘How does the First Order know this information?’ Your question cut through the noise of the group. Poe hesitated.   
‘Kylo Ren has returned to the First Order. He brought the news from Palpatine himself.’ You nodded before leaving the group. No one followed you and you were grateful for that. You walked until you found yourself in the clearing, where you and Kylo had reunited. You felt sadness, followed by red hot rage. You screamed and lashed out with the force. A loud crack whipped through the clearing and you saw the ground breaking apart before you. You breathed hard. All of this was insane. Utterly insane. But you had to find a Wayfinder. If you could kill Palpatine his manipulation of Kylo would end. And then you could both get away from this whole fight. With that goal in mind you marched off to find Poe. You were no pilot, you needed flying lessons.


	21. Chapter 21

‘Wow you’re a natural!’ Poe’s voice came through the comm link in your fighter. You grinned. This was the most exhilarating thing you had ever done. Being in control of such a speed. You rose up into the sky and did a barrel roll. ‘Wow Y/N! Where did you learn to fly that that!’   
‘I actually don’t know! But this is amazing Poe I can see why you love it so much.’ You looked over at him in the fighter next to you and gave him a thumbs up. He gestured to the ground and you nodded. Your landing needed practise as you clonked the fighter down and it jolted you sharply. ‘Whoops,’ you whispered. You jumped out and Poe came running over to you, he grabbed you in a hug shouting about your flying skills, even Finn came over and gave you a pat on the back. Leia grinned.  
‘You really are a natural,’ she said. You fell into step beside her and walked back to the base.  
‘I’m not sure where it came from. I have never flown a ship before my first lesson the other day.’ You looked back at Poe. ‘It helps to have a good teacher.’ You sighed. ‘I should get changed, I’m getting hot in this flying gear.’ You took your leave of Leia and headed back to your room. You paused, something wasn’t right, it was darker in your room than it should be. You looked up at the window only to see there was no window. You were looking at the wall of a star destroyer. You turned. You felt like your world had stopped, you couldn’t hear anything except your fast heartbeat in your ears.   
‘Kylo....’ you whispered. He stood tall, a new mask over his head. It looked similar to the old one but this one had red lines over it making him look more frightening. His voice coming through the mask sounded the same and it brought memories flooding back to you.   
‘You didn’t take my hand.’ His voice echoed slightly.  
‘What is this? How can I see you?’ You asked.  
‘Why didn’t you take my hand?’ He asked. You eyed him. He looked good.  
‘Hux is happy to see you back?’ His posture changed slightly.   
‘He is since I returned with the biggest fleet the galaxy has even seen.’   
‘Palpatine. What did he promise you? He must want something in return.’   
‘He wants you, to join me. We could be such a force to be reckoned with. No one would stand in our way.’ You didn’t doubt that. The bond you and Kylo shared made you both very powerful.   
‘I miss you.’ You whispered. He walked towards you. You looked up at him.   
‘Then join me.’ He reached out again. You turned to look at your door as Poe appeared.  
‘Hey, you ok?’ He asked. You looked back to Kylo but he was gone.   
‘Yeah I think so.’ You did feel angry Poe had interrupted but you tried not to show it. ‘What do you want anyway?’ He looked taken aback at your abrupt tone.  
‘Just to tell you Leia wants to see us.’   
‘Ok give me a minute.’ He shut the door quietly and you sat on the bed. The feeling to cry rose up but you had done enough crying over Kylo Ren. Anger took its place. Your lightsaber was lit and in your hand before you even know what you were doing. You looked at the red light, the feel of it as it hummed in your hand. You couldn’t imagine being without it, it was a part of you, like Kylo was part of you. Since he left you felt like you were missing something. You extinguished the saber and headed to your wardrobe. After pushing aside a few things you pulled out your outfit that Kylo gave you so long ago. You hadn’t looked at it since the crash but someone had mended it for you. You ran your hands over the seams. It seemed like years ago you had put this on. You looked in the mirror on the door, took in your brown trousers, your shirt and flying jacket. Your hair was long and in a braid, strands had escaped around your face, you just looked different, softer. You looked back at the black outfit. You could almost hear the echo of your boots in the metal halls of the star destroyer. You closed your eyes and gripped the outfit tight. A coldness settled on you.   
If you can hear me Palpatine, I am coming for you. You were sure you felt something brush against your mind but it was gone before you could really focus. Without hesitation you threw off your clothes and put your old outfit on. You looked back at the mirror. You redid your braid and pulled your hood up. You clipped your saber onto your belt and opened your door.  
‘Holy hell!’ Yelled Poe as he backed away from the door, fear in his eyes. He clutched at his chest and bent over resting a hand on his knee. ‘It’s been a while since I’ve seen you in....in that.’ He gasped.  
‘Oh yeah,’ you bit your lip and smiled slightly. ‘I’m not going to interrogate you today.’   
‘Maybe you shouldn’t go marching over the base dressed like that.’ You shrugged.  
‘It’s who I am.’ He straightened up and looked at you with wide brown eyes.   
‘You’re leaving us?’ He nodded to himself. ‘That’s what the flying lessons were for.’ You almost felt sad, you and Poe had a good friendship, even after everything you’d put him through. Aside from Leia, he was the only one to really treat you like a normal person.   
‘I have to get him back. The only way I know how to do that, is to find Exegol and kill Palpatine.’   
‘I’m coming.’ He said instantly.  
‘What? No, you can’t.’  
‘Why not? We have as much as a stake in this war as you. With Palpatine gone it would turn the tide completely. We could help each other.’ You looked at him. He meant it he wanted to help.   
‘Let’s see what Leia has to say.’ You began to walk off and he followed. People saw you heading towards them and they veered off in different directions.  
‘I told you not to wear this.’ Said Poe and you chuckled. You came up behind Leia.  
‘General.’ She turned, only her eyes gave away any surprise at your choice of outfit.   
‘Commander.’ She beckoned you to follow her and you sat down looking at each other. Poe stood awkwardly to the side his arms crossed. Leia sighed, ‘sit down Poe.’ He grabbed a seat, dragged it over and sat with his elbows resting on his knees. ‘So,’ started Leia.  
‘I want to kill Palpatine.’ You cut across her. ‘If I can kill Palpatine, I can end this manipulation of Kylo.’  
‘What makes you think that?’ She asked.   
‘I’ve seen what Palpatine is capable of. He is using me to get Kylo to embrace his rage and hatred. If I don’t do something soon, we are going to lose him.’ Leia studied your face.  
‘Are you ready to face him? Are you prepared for what you’ll find?’   
‘No. I’m not, but I can’t sit here any longer. These co ordinates Luke left, I need to go here and carry on his search for Wayfinder.’ Leia nodded.  
‘Commander Dameron, Chewie and Finn should go with you.’   
‘I’d rather do this on my own,’ you started but she held up a hand.   
‘You will be surprised how much people will avoid you, let us help you.’ You really had no choice. You couldn’t barrel into this mission force choking people and taking information out of them unwillingly. She was right, you needed their help.  
‘Ok. But we leave today.’ She nodded and you both stood, Poe jogged away to get the ship and team ready. ‘I wanted to thank you.’  
‘What for?’ Asked Leia.  
‘For saving us. For letting me stay, for all of it really.’ You frowned slightly. ‘I do have a question though.’   
‘Go on.’  
‘How did Kylo know to jump to lightspeed to this planet? Of all the planets in the galaxy, he chose this one.’ She smiled slightly.   
‘I felt his energy through the force, I can only sense him when his emotions are very high, not like the bond you have with him. But he was terrified for you, in that fighter, I gave him a safe space and because of you. He came.’ She laid a hand on your arm. ‘I still believe you are the key. May the force be with you Commander.’ And with that, she was gone. Your mind reeled slightly. He wanted to save you, so he came to the only place he knew where you’d be safe. Now it’s my turn to save you.


	22. Chapter 22

You stood behind Poe’s pilot seat on the Falcon. You had been dubious this ship could get you anywhere, it looked like junk, but you also knew not to let it deceive you. This ship was fast and the First Order hated it. It was always in the thick of anything. You groaned. More sand! Why did you have to head towards a desert? Why couldn’t it be a wet planet for a change! You could see a mass gathering, it looked like a festival not too far away. As you all exited the ship you could hear the music.   
‘I’ve never seen anything like this!’ You confessed to Poe.   
‘You haven’t? Well it’s kind of annoying because how are we going to find anything here?’ You reached out with the force, something dark was pulling you across the desert. You could sense it was something you were going to need.   
‘This way.’ You marched towards the crowd and the others followed. Poe had made you change out of your First Order outfit, he said he didn’t want you getting shot. You still had the boots and leggings on but you compromised with a white top and cowel instead. You marvelled at the sights and smells at this festival, the natives left you to wonder about and you weaved through the crowds. This was incredible. Suddenly you felt something, Kylo. You turned round and found yourself face to face with him. The sounds of the festival faded as his environment took over yours. He had his mask on and you wished you could see his face.  
‘Palpatine wants you dead.’ He stated.   
‘He changed his mind then.’  
‘He knows you are coming for him.’   
‘Good!’ You looked up at Kylo and took a step towards him. His posture tensed, you knew you were effecting him more than he was letting on. ‘Fight with me. We can be free of all this. The war, the battles. We can finally be together with nothing in the way.’  
‘We could be together if you joined me.’ His voice said out of the mask. ‘Come to Exegol with me. We can unite in front of the Emperor and command the Final Order together.’ He reached a gloved hand out to you then he seemed to hesitate, like he wanted to touch you but he couldn’t. ‘Please.’ He whispered.  
‘Commander!’ Poe’s voice cut through and both of you turned your heads to the pilot. You could feel the hatred build up in Kylo just at his voice. His saber came to life crackling before you and you stumbled away from Kylo. You tripped and fell. Poe helped you up and when you looked around Kylo was gone. Sounds from the festival came back all at once and you gasped. ‘Hey you ok?’ You nodded.  
‘Come on we need to keep moving.’ You said. The four of you headed out of the festival, Finn and Poe were bickering about something and Chewie followed silently behind you. You were sure the Wookie didn’t trust you at all. But you were all there for the same reason. You filtered out the sound of their voices and concentrated on the darkness you felt. It was an object, and it was close. But below you. You concentrated and a crack formed in the rock below your feet. Finn and Poe instantly stopped talking and began to back away. You force grabbed them all before the rock gave way and you fell into the hole. You managed to slow their descent enough they didn’t hurt themselves, but you still let them fall all over the floor.   
‘What was that?!’ Exclaimed Poe as he stood up dusting himself off. ‘You ok Finn, Chewie?’   
‘Yeah yeah I’m ok,’ replied Finn and Chewie made noises to say he was ok. You stood in the tunnel and lit your lightsaber. The red glow chased away the darkness and its humming filled the air around you.   
‘This way.’ The pull of this item was strong, you couldn’t help but move towards it but you also felt repulsed by it. You came to a point where the tunnel widened. There was a wrecked speeder which the others went to investigate. You crouched down and saw the end of a black hilt poking out of the sand. Echoes of screams sounded as you reached for it. You paused, the need to leave it here was strong, you almost couldn’t bring yourself to touch it.   
‘What’s that?’ Whispered Poe. You pulled it out of the sand.   
‘It’s a Sith blade. It tells us where to find the Wayfinder.’ This is what you needed. It had the next lot of co ordinates inscribed upon the blade.   
‘You can read that?’ You looked at Poe.  
‘Oh yeah, right.’ You handed the blade to Chewie and he slipped it into his bag. ‘So, how do we get out of here?’ You reached with your hand and some sand fell away from the wall of the tunnel letting in light from outside. ‘Couldn’t we have just come in this way?’ Grumbled Poe. You stepped out into the sun and blinked. The festival was still going as you made your way back to the Falcon. You gave Poe the co ordinates for the planet Kef Bir. Suddenly you froze, you could hear the sound of a tie fighter coming up behind you.   
‘We need to go now!’ Shots were fired at you as Poe heaved the Falcon off the ground.   
‘Hold on!’ Yelled Poe. The Falcon jolted just before he managed to jump it into lightspeed. Chewie started yelling. ‘What do you mean the landing gear is busted??’   
‘We’ll be ok, we’ve got the best pilot in the resistance to land us safely.’ You said and patted him on the shoulder.   
‘Great.’ You burst out of lightspeed and hurtled towards the planets surface. With a thrill you noticed it was a wet planet! At last. ‘Seriously, hold on!’ Yelled Poe as the ground came rushing up to meet you. The ship landed with a few bumps and slid for quite a while. You could see a cliff coming up and you slowed the ship down with the force. It took a lot of effort to get the ship to stop sliding on the wet ground, but thankfully it did. Poe laughed. ‘I thought we were goners then!’ You rolled your eyes and wiped some sweat off your forehead. You left the ship and walked to the edge of the cliff. The sea raged below you, the waves were so high, you’d never seen or heard anything like this before. You looked at the colossal wreckage of the Death Star. It has nothing on StarKiller base but it was impressive all the same. Chewie stood next to you and you held your hand out for the blade. He silently handed it over and went to join Poe and Finn checking over the Falcon. You held the blade up against the outline of the wreckage. It matched perfectly. There was a little spike poking out of the hilt, you pulled it and out came a measuring device, you held it up again and noticed the point was at an entrance. There is where you will find the Wayfinder. You spin as you hear hooves on the ground. Poe is standing with his gun pointed at the leader. She rode up on a creature, it looked like a horse but had the head of a boar.   
‘Rough landing.’ She said.   
‘I’ve seen worse.’ Poe replied.  
‘I’ve seen better. Are you resistance?’  
‘That depends.’ You said cooly.   
‘We had a transmission from Leia. We’ve been on the look out for ships.’ You shook your head. That woman seriously knew more than she let on. ‘She said you were our last hope.’ You pointed out to the Death Star.   
‘I need to get to that wreck. There is something inside we need.’  
‘Well I can take you there by water.’  
‘Have you seen the water?’ Exclaimed Finn. She rolled her eyes.   
‘Not right now, it’s too dangerous!’ You looked back out to the Death Star. You needed to get there now. The woman introduced herself as Jannah and Poe started asking her about parts for the Falcon. You watched them all trudge back to the ship and you snuck away. You had spied some skimmers and you headed to them. You were so close you could feel it. You didn’t have time to wait. You jumped onto one and headed out into the angry ocean. The waves were so high but the force helped as you made your way inside the Death Star. Water echoed and dripped as you climbed. You came to the door of a vault. You force opened the door and walked inside. All you could hear was your own breathing echoing off the walls. There! It hovered in a pillar, the inside of it glowed green. You gently reached out and took it. You finally had the Wayfinder in your hands. You sensed something, coming towards you, you lit your lightsaber and held it in front of you. Kylo Ren stepped into the open doorway. His mask was off and his hair was wet from the sea outside. You lowered your saber, but didn’t extinguish it.   
‘Kylo....’


	23. Chapter 23

Kylo stood there. He couldn’t believe he was looking at you. It had been about a week since he had left you at the resistance base, but to him, it felt like a lifetime. His heart pounded and his mouth felt dry. He wanted to kiss you, so badly he wanted to kiss you and feel you sink into him. He needed to smell your hair and feel your skin. But you stood there, your hair wet from the sea, your braid over your shoulder. The Wayfinder was in your left hand and your saber in your right. Although it was pointing down he eyed it wearily.   
‘Palpatine will kill you.’ He stated.   
‘Not if I kill him first.’ The pure determination in your voice took him by surprise. Your eyes glinted with the strength of the force as it flowed through you. ‘How did you find me?’  
‘I always know where you are.’ He stated simply. He could feel emotion clog his voice. It was true he’d always know where you were. Even before the force bond. ‘But only two were ever made. And I have the other one.’ He pointed to the Wayfinder and it shot out of your hand. You grabbed it with the force. It hovered in the air between vibrating as you both pulled on it. Kylo began sweat as he tried to pull it away from you but couldn’t. A crack appeared in the Wayfinder, it splintered more before it exploded into little pieces.   
‘Noooooo!’ You screamed. You rushed at him and he dodged your attacks before bringing his saber up to block you. He was surprised you were attacking him. He looked at you over the crossed sabers.   
‘Your only way to Exegol is with me.’ He said. Your eyes flashed and you heaved him back with a yell. He disappeared down a shaft and you followed him. He lead you outside, the waves crashed around you but you didn’t notice. All you could see was Kylo. You had hoped he’d come to leave with you. But he had come, still believing everything Palpatine told him. Palpatine wouldn’t hand over the Final Order. He wanted something. You were sure of it. You felt a range of emotions all at once. As he brought his lightsaber up you blocked it and locked yours into his hilt. You looked at him he was so close, you could see his hazel eyes boring into yours. You twirled your saber dislodging it and swinging it towards him but he blocked you again. It was useless to fight him. You both knew each other’s moves so well now. You circled each other the sea spraying you making you both soaking wet again. Kylo twirled his saber as he paced. You reached out and you could feel Palpatine there, right there no doubt whispering into Kylo’s mind, poisoning him against you. You turned your saber off and stood tall, seeing his chance Kylo charged but you side stepped and twirled to miss his attack. You ran at him and knocked him kicking his light saber out of his hand. You pinned his wrist down and sat on his chest. You were both breathing heavily. Suddenly he sat up he kissed you. He kissed you with a raw need and you kissed him right back. His hands came around your waist and you entwined yours into his hair. I missed you, so much. He said into your mind. He pulled on your braid pulling your head back.   
‘Leave with me.’ You pleaded. A darkness seemed to cloud his hazel eyes.   
‘I can’t...’ you could tell he was resisting Palpatine in this very moment but he wasn’t strong enough to hold him off for long. You kissed him again your hands holding onto his face and you promised you’d free him. You could hear the Falcon coming. He looked up and you took his moment of distraction to leap and land on the lowered ramp. Poe caught you and you closed your eyes as you felt Kylo’s heart explode as Poe and the Falcon whisked you out of his reach. Poe who he looked at like a rival and his fathers ship that he grew up on. Poe pulled you inside and you lay on the floor.   
‘He broke the Wayfinder.’ You choked back tears. ‘Now he has the only one.’   
‘Shit.’ Said Poe he sat on the floor with you. ‘What do we do now?’   
‘I don’t know.’ You stood up and stormed into a little bedroom. You needed to be alone. You went to lay down but your bag felt bulky. You opened it. Inside, was Kylo’s Wayfinder. You drew it out and sobbed. It was his way of asking for help. ‘Poe!’ You shouted, he opened the door and looked at the Wayfinder in your hands.   
‘You said he broke it?’   
‘He did. He slipped this one into my bag. It’s his cry for help.’ You stared at the device. ‘We need to go back to the base and report to Leia.’ Poe nodded and he left. You wanted them back at the base. So you could go to Exegol on your own.


	24. Chapter 24

The Falcon landed and you hung back as the others jumped off the ship. Poe went off to find Leia. You slowly made your way down the ramp. You looked about but no one was watching you. You ran to the nearest cross wing and dived in. You connected the Wayfinder and it came to life in your hands. You grabbed the helmet and started the fighter up. You could see Poe coming towards you, shouting and waving his arms. Without another thought you directed the fighter and at the sky and left. You transmitted your coordinates back to the base, they could do with them what they wanted, you needed that head start to reach Palpatine. You felt sudden fear is you broke the atmosphere and started heading out into open space. You were so tiny and space was so huge you felt momentarily lost. But you looked at the stars around you and centred yourself before shooting off to lightspeed.

‘She’s gone General!’ Poe shouted breathlessly, ‘she snuck onto a cross wing from the Falcon.’ Leia nodded.   
‘But she has the Wayfinder?’ He nodded.   
‘General we are receiving co ordinates!’ Poe ran to the console.  
‘It’s Y/N! She’s showing us the way!’ He said excitedly. Then his face fell as he realised where you were leading them to. ‘We don’t have enough fighters to take out all their ships.’   
‘Get Chewie to take the Falcon, gather as many people as possible, people will come. Remember these ships will be stuck on that planet especially if you destroy their navigation tower.’ Poe nodded and he ran off to make preparations. 

You burst out over Exegol, the planet was dark, lightening flickered all around you and you gasped as it highlighted the star destroyers all hanging silently in the atmosphere. You ducked between them and landed on the surface of the planet. A huge structure loomed before you. You couldn’t see a clear way in but as you got closer you could see a way underneath. You didn’t see another person at all, you stood on the round disc and it slowly lowered you underground. It was eerily silent, light flashed around you and you could see lots of machines, bottles, tanks all things related to experiments. You walked towards a tank that seemed to house Snoke. Or what looked like Snoke. You felt repulsed by it all. But you had to find Palpatine.   
You came....... a voice rumbled in your head.  
‘I came to kill you.’ You replied.  
I have died before...... he said. You lit your saber. You are strong with the force. He has trained you well. You bristled at his mention of Kylo.   
‘Your manipulation will end, today.’ You snarled. You spun and pointed the saber at his face. It lit his milky eyes and his pale skin.   
‘You will kill me. You will strike me down in anger. And pledge yourself to the Sith.’ You frowned. You jumped slightly as the contraption he was in moved, as you followed you saw he was leading you to a throne.   
‘No.....’ you whispered. You didn’t want this, you wanted all this gone you didn’t want to be a part of it. As you looked around you could see people standing watching, they began to chant. ‘No.’ You said loudly.   
‘The ritual begins.’ He said an evil grin started to spread across his face. You could feel the force humming around you. ‘She will strike me down and pledge herself as Sith!’ He shouted out. You felt lost, you wanted to kill Palpatine, you wanted this to be over, but you didn’t want to be Sith. This was his plan, this was what he wanted all along. You wanted to hide from the world and forget any of this was happening. But if this freed Kylo. Then you would do it. ‘She will come to me! And with a stroke of her saber the Sith are reborn!’ He closed his eyes and spread his arms waiting for your strike.   
Don’t.... you turned your head and saw Kylo coming towards you, his saber was lit. You looked at each other and you both knew, one way or another, it ends here.  
Palpatine opened his eyes to see you both standing there side by side. He snarled and rage filled his eyes.   
‘Stand together, die together!’ He bellowed the force vibrated around you as he struck but instead of harming you he transferred some of the force to himself. He gasped, his hands which were all skin and bone started to heal. He looked at you both. ‘The life force of your bond, a dyad in the force. A power like life itself.’ He flexed his finger, you felt the force close in around you and he held you and Kylo off the ground. ‘Unseen for generations. And now, the power of two restores the one, true emperor!’ You felt the force draining through you. You tried to look and reach out for Kylo and he tried to reach for you. Your fingers could nearly touch as you stretched as hard as you could. Tears leaked out the side of your eyes, you didn’t want it to end like this. So many things you wanted to say, so much time wasted apart. You looked at Kylo his eyes trying to say a thousand words. You didn’t want to die, not like this.


	25. Chapter 25

Suddenly you were both released. You grunted as you hit the hard floor, Kylo lifeless beside you. You tried to catch your breath on the cold floor, you turned your head to take in Kylo’s body next to you, his hand reached out in your direction. A tear leaked out of your eye as your fingers brushed against his. A blinding light caught your attention and you saw Palpatine shoot threads of lightening up into the dark sky targeting all the resistance ships. They slowly fell out of the sky onto the surface of the planet. You couldn’t do anything except helplessly watch.  
Get up. A voice whispered. Get. Up. You heaved yourself off the ground eyeing Palpatine wearily as he lowered his hands.   
‘You can not defeat me.’ He sneered. You stretched out a hand for your lightsaber, it flew faithfully to your hand and you lit it. The red glowed brightly in the dark. You reached out for Kylo’s saber. It was heavier than yours, it had a longer hilt and wasn’t as comfortable to hold. You paused, waiting for Palpatine to make a move. A hand was placed on your shoulder and you glanced to see Luke Skywalker looking at you. More and more outlines of past Jedi appeared.   
You are not alone. He whispered. You rolled your shoulders and turned back to Palpatine. Without warning he shot blue lightening at you and on reflex you raised your saber to block the assault. It absorbed the lightening but your arm vibrated and you nearly dropped it. Without thinking you ignited Kylo’s saber and crossed them together. The lightening rebounded and struck Palpatine engulfing him.  
‘Impossible’ he screeched as he tried to shoot more at you. The sabers hummed in unison as you advanced, slowly, step by step. You closed your eyes and gave one last push forward. A blinding light flashed, you were blown backwards and everything went dark.

The ground vibrated below you and you could hear a voice speaking.   
‘We’ve got her. Bringing her back to base now.’ Your head throbbed and you didn’t want to open your eyes. You heard a noise, someone walking towards you.   
‘Y/N?’ A warm hand slipped into yours and you opened your eyes slowly. It was Poe.  
‘I’m sorry,’ you blurted out. ‘I didn’t mean to leave you behind but I had to. I had to do this.’ A sob caught in your throat as you flashes of what happened ran through your mind, and you remembered Kylo was with you. You scrabbled to sit up but Poe tried to stop you. ‘Let me go let me go! Where is he??’ Poe grabbed your face with his hands. His eyes bright. ‘Tell me.’ You whispered. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. You grabbed his head and without thinking reached into his mind. 

You could see from Poe’s point of view, the throne where Palpatine had been was destroyed, the planet was heaving, rocks falling all around. Explosions were happening outside as the large ships fell from the dark sky.   
‘Get them out of here! Hurry! This place is going to collapse!’ He yelled over the noise. He hurried over to where you were laying on the floor. Blood streaked your face and you were covered in dust from the rocks breaking apart. Poe and Finn grabbed you. As Poe lifted you he looked up and saw Chewie carrying Kylo. A huge rock came down and cracked the ground near them they began to run back to the Falcon. But Chewie never boarded. The last thing you saw was the ramp closing. 

You withdrew from Poe’s mind tears streaming down your face. His eyes were red.  
‘I have no idea what happened, he was, he was right behind me.’ He choked. You pulled away from him and retreated as far as you could on the bunk. You pulled your legs up to your chest, hoping you could hold yourself together because it felt like you were breaking apart. Your breath heaved.   
‘Poe! We’ve got an incoming transmission.’ Called Finn. He rose never taking his eyes off your face.   
‘I am sorry.’ He whispered before he headed back to the cockpit. The words echoed around your head but you refused to believe this was happening. You squeezed your eyes shut hoping this was a nightmare, a bad vision and you were actually still knocked out. Or better yet dead back on Exegol. Because the thought of living in a world without Kylo rocked you to your core. Tears leaked out of your eyes and you held your legs even tighter. You replayed everything back to yourself, it all happened so fast you didn’t even have time to tell Kylo you were happy to see him, standing there with you, all those years of manipulation couldn’t stand in the way of true love. The ship jolted out of lightspeed and glided down to the planets surface. When the ship was settled Poe slowly came towards you.   
‘We have to report.’ You shook your head. ‘We have to. You were there.’ He reached for you. Your eyes flashed and you force choked him. Your heart ached, your vision blurred with tears. What you were doing was wrong you knew it, Poe didn’t deserve this, but the grief you felt was too much. You dropped Poe and buried you head in your knees rocking. The sobs came hard and fast and you felt like you’d never stop. You didn’t hear Poe walking away, you didn’t hear the heavy footsteps slowly heading towards you. The footsteps you’d know anywhere. Strong hands grabbed your elbows and you lashed out with your feet screaming to be left alone. But he heaved you up anyway and crushed you to his chest. Your eyes widened as you felt his tunic, you breathed in his musky scent. Maybe you had died and you were in heaven.   
‘You are not dead.’ His voice rumbled in your ears as it vibrated from his chest. His large hand tilted your face up to his. His eyes were red, you could see he had been crying, his hair was flopping down as he looked at you. You took in his face with your eyes, drinking him him not believing he was here at all. ‘And neither am I.’   
‘Are you real?’ Your hand reached up to his face and he closed his eyes and leaned into your touch. ‘This is real, is this real? You’re really here?’ He grabbed your hand and looked deep into your eyes before pulling your face towards him for a kiss. His kiss was hot and urgent, you felt flushed all over.   
‘I am definitely real.’ He whispered as he crushed you in a tight embrace. You smushed your face into him as hard as you could never wanting to let go of him again. 

You had survived. Palpatine was gone, Snoke was gone. As far you knew, you were the last two surviving force users left, along with Leia. The First Order was destroyed and the manipulation of Kylo was no more. Your head was sore, your body was tired and battered, but your heart was full. You were both here, on the other side of the fight. He lead you off the Falcon but tugged you away from the celebrations. He pulled you onto a smaller ship.   
‘What’s happening?’ He kissed you deeply before seating himself in the pilots seat and starting the ship.   
‘We are leaving’ he stated. You looked out the window as the ship rose, you saw Poe looking up at you from the crowd and he raised a hand in farewell. You spread your fingers on the window hoping he saw. The ship broke the atmosphere and instantly went into lightspeed. You turned back to Kylo, still not really believing he was here, alive. He looked up at you and you pulled you onto his lap. He placed a hand your stomach.   
‘What are you......’ you trailed off as you felt something. Your eyes widened. ‘How could I miss that?’ He smiled at you.   
‘I knew, I knew straight away. It’s why I left you with the resistance when I left for Exegol. But I should have known you would follow me.’   
‘Kylo..’  
‘Kylo is dead.’ He said curtly. Your heart thrummed and you placed a hand on his face. He looked relaxed, happy. He was finally free.  
‘Ben.’ You said firmly. It felt weird to say his name but you whole heartedly agreed, this man before you was no longer Kylo Ren.   
‘We can finally, start our life together. Raise our baby, in peace.’ You glowed at him, you felt proud of him. Putting up with everything that those monsters threw at him from such an early age and he still chose the light. ‘You helped me, showed me the light.’ His eyes searched yours. ‘I realised I couldn’t live without you, I couldn’t let you fight for me alone. I could have done it sooner.’ He whispered.  
‘What’s done is done. We won Ben.’ You smiled. ‘We won.’


End file.
